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A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest.
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies "O.K.
'There's been a murder, a woman was killed, found in a bathtub, partially filled. A pair of policemen went into the house and questioned the poor woman's spouse.
Glory, Glory, What a Hell of a Way To Die. (From the tune of "Glory, Glory Man. United!") Chorus Glory, glory, what a hell of a way to die.
Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
When colon cancer came They talked it over. Stoic and humoured. He drew on her bald head. She lined him up With future dates. They planned and prepared. She chose to live But died anyway.
* Had this for a while and forgot about it, lol.
In a red country, in a red village, in a red house lived a red man who was relaxing in his red bath.
'It was a cool December night And I was on the pull When I met this lovely-looking girl In the bar of "The Talking Bull".
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered.
Director had a camera A movie he did shoot He took it to Hollywood To try and bag some loot He took it to an office Where sat a talent scout Who watched director's movie And afterward did shout What...
Statistically speaking 1 in every 1 of us is reorganised, reworked and rehashed bullshit. Vodka flow charts, sweet cherry pie charts, Rising broken torn out hearts.
There's a Crocodile under the table, There’s a Crocodile under my chair; I can feel it scrape next to my slippers... Heaven knows how on Earth it got there.
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
Starters. Polished gravy granule. Woodman's Flaunt. Hoisin spiky Jew on a crusty bed. Lynch mob choirboy. Special Event salmon. Radox Justice. Main Meals.
Harry potter one liners...
Two blondes in heaven One blond says to another, "how did you die". "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful" says the first blonde.
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Biker : "What do you think.
There once was a peanut who lived in a shell. Day after day, that’s where he would dwell. Dreaming of heaven: saw life as a hell. He longed for the fingers to fracture his cell.
Trevor had been friends with Mister Pettifer ever since he’d first found him propped up on a bench in the park.
After doing this job for so long, I feel obliged to pass on some of the wisdom my clients possess when it comes to relationships.
DOG: what will you do with me when I die. Flush you down the toilet. DOG: is my death a joke to you. I'm having you stuffed.