Thousands of free stories. Support your favorites when you're ready.
Showing stories tagged with #comedy Clear filter
(I don't mean to offend anyone by this in any way :) ) A nun is teaching her Sunday school class and a little girl is sitting in the front of the class.
My name is Janine, I'm in the 'call' business It may seem obscene, But it's my only weakness.... Janine: Hello Big Boy, How Can I Help you today. Caller 1: My name's Pete and I like to display.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
#cheesebattle Spies in the D-Den. Off with their heads. And we've got your gran Making our beds. It's time to go old school; We're coming your way With our ninja moves And Nic's lactose-less ways.
#cheesebattle What is that sound that I can hear It's a ticking but I needn't fear Oh Nic, you threw out bombs with glee But you're dealing with BedHairLee While you weren't looking, I lobbed it...
#cheesebattle Really. You're sweating grating cheese. I'm in the D-Den with a cup of tea. I got a lift from Superman Him and me are tight.
#cheesebattle Nuclear eggs are everywhere Ha. No match for my bedhair Here D have your knickers back They disappeared right up my crack Give 'em a wash if I were you Oh my god they smell of poo.
#cheesebattle Who's that at the door. Adopting a heroic stance. Seeking squirrel retribution In their shiny hero pants. Ha. Dynamic Duo Ready for funny stares.
#cheesebattle So what we called the AA To fix the D-Mobile. Did you think Jerome's corpse in the exhaust Would quash our heroic zeal.
(I don't really do this) Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Doctor, Doctor I’ve lost my memory. When did this happen. When did what happen. Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there and tell me all about it.
Ever wanted to draw a moustache on someones face when they are asleep, but the only pens you and your friends have are flimsy biros. Well, fret no more, you pranksters. Kid: Who says pranksters.
Clocks. Clocks here. Get your clocks. Never get stuck looking at the sun again. £5 for one clock or £10 for two. Sale ends tomorrow at 3:57pm sharp- don't miss out, get your clocks today.
This is an old joke. Mother superior was taking a bath when a sister knocked on her door, "Mother superior there is a blind man to see you".
@Delilah The wars are over, Puns are done, I'm blushing red, To say I've won, Delilah put up quite a fight, With Stilton, Brie and Gouda might, I very nearly ran clean out, Of cheese puns to use in...
Part 4 I screamed. Well, obviously I didn't scream out loud, I screamed in my head. It was either coffee with the man or coffee with Becky.
Part 3 As I twisted the lock and pushed the door open, Becky followed, eager to come inside. 'So,' she said, 'I've made a list of top tips for a date. There's about 100 down there.
Part 2 He turned back quickly and stared at his phone. I bit my bottom lip.
The engine made a horrible creaking groan, as Sam stood beside shaking his head in despair. He'd left his headlights on, and now his car battery was dead.
Kittens have a purr-fect time.
BANANA WEDGIE On Saturday at precisely 9:05pm an elderly man who goes by the name of Jimmy Electron was the victim of a terrible crime.
You: I hate my life Friend: Why. You: I'm 22, work in fast food, and will probably never do anything better Friend: Don't say that.
The Queen missed out on a great opportunity tonight... Instead of opening the games, she should have stood and said: "I now hold hostage the heads of state of 200 countries.
I'm wanting to patent something quick. A button to press upon my hip. When life is getting me all stressed. The tension button on my hip I'll press. It could help to give you a boost.