Death Or Job
As a child, I was afraid death was the worst thing that could happen to me, till I got a proper job..
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Love And Lust
Love might be blind but, Lust wants to see some lingerie..
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Men's Feelings
Men also have feelings, for example we can feel hungry!.
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Smartphones
The smarter the phone, the dumber the battery..
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Dear Algebra
'Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to find your X, she's gone. P.S. I don't know Y' ~@Noonington She wrote it on the back of a maths test. She is a legend..
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Untitled
Thanks to all those men and women in uniforms. Especially the ones in camouflage. They got left out, cuz they are hard to see. -Ellen Degeneres.
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Playing Hard To Get
I heard that girls like it when I play hard to get, so I've locked myself in my apartment & turned off my phone. Now, I wait..
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Untitled
Teacher: you had all weekend to do your homework!. Me: umm sorry bitch, but I have a life..
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Flash Mob
I am organizing a flash mob at my place, Thursday 3pm. Bring lawnmowers..
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Sidewalk
Dear sidewalk, Please get wider... Sincerely, third friend walking behind feeling excluded..
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Untitled
Me: dude, I wasn't that drunk. Best friend: you friggin threw a sock at a midget and yelled "Dobby be free!".
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Admit It ;)
You once made a little kid cry, and then made them laugh so you wouldn't get in trouble..
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Northerners
Northerners, what have they ever given us. Except high unemployment and Billy Eliot !.
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Untitled
Some people are like clouds, once they move on... IT'S A GREAT DAY!.
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Friendship
Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but you get the warm feeling that it brings..
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Save Money
I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by not getting any..
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Algebra
Why do we need algebra. Finding x is only useful if you're a pirate!.
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When In Rome...?
When in Rome... Just carry on with your blimin holiday, your not a Roman!.
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Revenge...?
Revenge is best served cold... To ruin it, put it in the microwave..
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Untitled
Boys, a nuclear reactor is just like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Homer Simpson.
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Untitled
Llamas are bigger than frogs.
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Spam
I'm pink, Therefore I'm Spam!.
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Happiness Is...
.....a meerkat standing on one leg watching a Turkish belly dancer singing "Happy Birthday" to a whelk. Or is that just me?.
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Untitled
Mom: " heyyy. What did you learn at school today. Me: " Well clearly not enough, I have to go back tomorrow. -Anonymous.
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