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My puppy, Cupcakes, likes to drink milkshakes. She chews on everything in sight, including my brand new kite. I won't stay mad at her long, but I will tell her right from wrong.
I can't believe it, The way you've behaved today. I even bought you salmon Well fffs - that was a mistake. For I got out of the shower and there you all were, All looking sheepish, Soil in your fur.
Not to sound desperate but I need more followers.
They say as you get older You're gonna get wise Don't listen to them people They're telling you lies Old folks they sit On an old chair Mumbling as if Nobody is there They rev up their...
Been away from opuss for a bit fighting the constant war with laziness and apathy. Any way while browsing the feed catching up on some stuff noticed #household going on.
My phone is indestructible, It's been drowned, Thrown, Bitten (by the baby) Used as a drum stick, Thrown, Dropped, Drowned, again.
Last day of school tomorrow for my kids If you can babysit for 6 weeks I'm taking bids. They are very well behaved trust me it's true.
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket.
#household I want to say thanks to a funny man, Who brings me up when I'm down (said in southern accent like off eastenders), He makes me smile when I'm at work, And when the other half's a jerk.
#household In a cave deep underground, A glinting secret I had found. It shone a bright, glistening glow, Made you stop and just say...
Ok then, people, it's time To see who did what with a rhyme A limerick prescribed The judge was then bribed But no matter, all entries were prime. Ok here we go, a big thank u to everyone who had a...
I Opuss in the morning, I Opuss in the day, I Opuss in the night time when sleep won't come my way I Opuss in my free time, even when I should be packing If I don't get to Opuss feels like...
Oh little snail upon the tree. We've been here before. I've told you time and time again. You're safer on the floor. Oh little snail, you daredevil. What are you doing there.
A blonde, on the verge of bankruptcy, sees God as the only hope. She prays to God for help - "God, please help me. I've lost my business and I need some money. I'm going to lose my house as well.
I think I've got the giggles, It started very small.
Silly teabag song based on the Hokey Cokey... You dunk your Teabag in, You dunk it out, In Out In Out Then you take it out...
I use teabags made in China Because there are none finer But Indian tea Just as good for me I drink it when I'm in a diner Then there's the teabag from Wales Which needs a boost to its sales It's...
I wish i was a teabag so i could stay at home all day, And talk to other teabags In a teabag sort of way. l'd like to be a teabag and.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside... I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
Another gym session done and dusted Feeling so much fitter but my back feels busted. The weight and cash is dropping off me People say I'm losing pounds but I just cant see.
So this blind man wanted to visit Texas one year. He checked in at the airport and when he finally got on the plane he noticed that the seats were really big.