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#stupidthingspeoplesay 'Poor old Johnny Ray Sounded sad upon the radio Moved a million hearts in mono Our mothers cried...' With thanks to Dexy's Midnight Runners, these are the first lines to...
#Sunayrepost. I once sat on a cushion and farted. The people in the room they darted. I tell you the smell. It stunk like hell. I wish my bum cheeks had never parted. I also done one in a lift.
I shifted, well I tried to; the heaviness weighted on me; a vague wrestling recollection with a cumbersome synbatec came to mind. Eyes heavy, a yawn escaped me. Sandy giggled; my eyebrows burrowed.
Today has GOT to be the worst day of my life. Paisley Just is the popular girl. And so far, SHE'S JUST EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF ALL WEST VALLEY HIGH. I can't believe her.
I've decided to become the pope, I'm sure I'll get voted in. I think I'll change the world and make supporting Arsenal a sin. Condoms for everyone, I think it's about time.
I go outside and take my pants off. I do it then, just for a good laugh. I run around, and go without a care. One thing I say, that its rude to stare. You think it's strange, to see a nude man.
I am awesome. I radiate awesomeness.
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said. Later, he offered her a cigarette.
*** “HELLO?. HEL-LOOOO?.
I tried my hand at some Russian Reversal jokes, I hope you like them. - In the UK you find Wally. In Soviet Russia, Wally finds YOU. - In Soviet Russia, meme knows YOU. - In America you follow laws.
#opussweeklychallenge. There once was a lad named Flynn. First name Errol, liked his gin. The more he drank. The deeper he sank. His legendary pork sword in. Prancing around set in green tights.
#acrostic *swearing will follow shortly (R)eally Mr Sugar, your firing me.
'Where are we?' You don't know where we are. 'Nooooo, just help me out here.' Well hmm, do you remember the drive over here.
#sundayrepost. I'm a ghost hunter, but I've never caught a ghost. When they disappear that's what pisses me off the most. I just want some credit, I get laughed at in the street.
So I was at this party. The names I'll leave out although the actions are excusable, but we had an Eddie Murphy moment at the end of the night.
The Christians say "Jesus is the messenger" The Muslims say "Mohammed is the messenger".
A surreal story I had to do for art homework… it's kinda surreal…… A big shooting star looked down and saw a torch peer through a keyhole, looking for a frog and his orange padlock.
Oh Miley Not sure this is a good idea Oh whiskers Miley I hear'm coming, quick hurry Wow Miley You got it open Oh crappers Miley Everyone's watching us Suspendous Miley We're at the last...
So I've had the most exciting weekend To see Britain's Got Talent, yes I saw Dec I nearly missed him the first time he waved Messing on my phone, I felt a whack from my mate There he was wearing a...
To see the world from your eyes part II : Dear crappy computer Dear crappy computer, Today was officially the worst day ever in the history of worst days.
Glen: I believe you're right, so why am I here. God: I felt bad for you, your life has put me in tears. Glen: I'm living life to the fullest, like they say.
There's a birthday in my house so it's curry time tonight Ain't had one for years, and that surely isn't right But tonight the gloves are off, lay it all upon my plate Beers will pour, heads will be...
#fillintheblank One sunny day Jack decided to enter a third grade spelling bee.
On a sunny day, Jack decided to go to the year 2112. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten about a time machine, which of course was at home, and left him rather stuck.