New York New York
Last night I was quite disturbed When Stephen Fry told me A distressing little factoid About the folks in NYC.
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Gentlemen's Etiquette
#household. Ah, the water closet. As it's also known, the loo. The place to perform etiquette. For gents, ladies, not you. Say, for instance, there's four traps. Or urinals as they're known.
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Mmmmm
It is the time. That I must say. See you all. Another day. Whether i'm happy. Crappy or rude. It really depends. On my mood. So here I go. I'm off to bed. Getting undressed. For the long night ahead.
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Pen
Yesterday at work There weren't a pen in sight So off I went to get one Thinking it would last the night The nib's now dry and crusty Only fit for the bin You may as well have snapped it All that...
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Til Death Us Do Fart
A collaboration with a fellow kindred spirit merlin1038. The strong hand of windy fate. Brought together misslittle and merlin1038. A problem as old as the hills.
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Ipuss Battle Rap(1)
Warning swear words and stuff.
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This Evening
#smellody Dear Mr.Smelly, Your face is kinda swelly, Your voice sounds like Mr.Bean on your telly. So instead of wanting piss like you did in this Round number too ain't no diss so take the risk.
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Melody Battle 2
Round 2 of the rap battle with @melody Dude you didn't even link me in How to think you ever gonna win.
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Ministry Of Crap Design #4
So we've tackled leaky teapots. And yes, my sofa too. The best one from the Ministry. I've saved 'til last for you. The Ministry are everywhere. And for this, forever smug.
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Blast Ass
I have a problem with food Some can make me awfully rude You may want to laugh....I suffer with Blast Ass. Since my teens...beans Blast Ass. Any kind of mince...I wince Blast Ass.
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Amenity-ville Horror
Hand-dryer, why do you torment me so. Hot air is all I want you to blow. I put my hands beneath your spout, Yet no hot air is coming out. Leaky tap, why do you torment me so.
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A PUBElic Offence
I really have a problem. I feel I really must share. For whenever I go swimming. I have an offending hair. I'm swimming along happily. Then look down to my below. There is the offensive blighter.
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Flying Pyjamas Challenge
As requested by @sjw I bought some new pyjamas today Just to sleep in,in bed to stay But when I wore them for the first time tonight I was quite shocked,I got a fright.
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Chicken Concentration Camp #2
Aha. I'm a genius. I must have gift , After yesterday's little rant My chickens got the drift. Upon close inspection In their henhouse today Three fresh laid eggs, Coming my way.
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Toilet Scare!
So I was sitting on the toilet, reading a book, (There was a basket by the door, so I thought I'd take a look.) Someone impatient knocked on my door, Regardless of the notice that I know they...
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Angry Midget®
There's a man I know, he wears a hood Whose earholes indicate his mood A little guy, the Angry Midget® His ears, a rage forecasting widget Most times they're a fleshy hue But don't be fooled, because...
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Sleeping = Dangerous
Sometimes when I wake up, The sheets are closing in, And it's always an epic battle, To see who's going to win.
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Floating
Floating softly on the breeze Falling gently from the trees Tiny things that make me sneeze And leave me, watering, on my knees O how I wish it were not so My nose is sore because I blow Spores are...
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Tough Guys.
Work's out. Time to destress. Bottle of Patrón. We're not trying to impress. We're just thirsty, from slaving away since six thirty. Dance floors dirty. But we don't give a monkeys...or a lama.
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I'm da boss!!!
I'm the boss You do not cross The king of my domain For the day No work, all play Is found in my refrain Love to eat The prime of meat So sad 'til I get some 'Tis so sweet And such a treat Boy, they...
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My Bathroom
Here i sit. On the toilet at home. This toilet is my toilet. This toilets my throne. I visit the bathroom. About 6 times a day. To stink out the toilet. To keep you away. If you dare enter.
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Plagiarising Polly Want A Cracker?
Polly the Parrot Did like her carrots, But not as much as her crackers, She'd natter away Record voices through the day And play them back, the day's chatter.
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The Tale Of Two Titties
There were two titties. One to the left. One to the right. Together they looked quite a sight. Squished all up. In a double D cup. When their body went out for the night. There were two titties.
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A Transformer!
Quirky funny one. Enjoy. I am superb, I'm a man... I want to be a superman!. I have garbage, I have a can. I'm a friends garbage can. I have teeth, and a brush, Let me be your toothbrush.
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