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#CarlosTheEmoTurkey Hello people of earth. My name is Carlos and I am an emo turkey, THE emo turkey, actually. I grew up in Portugal and spend 364 days a year locked up in a mental institution.
I was followed by a dog, so I chased it away But then I was very sorry; For the poor little creature ran into the road And was hit by a twelve tonne lorry.
I'm a shit bus driver, I tend to get lost everyday. I'll overcharge you if you get on, then I'll ask you the way. I drink while I'm working and I'm always smoking drugs.
A guy who doesn't speak english goes to London. He see's a person selling ice cream.
She was know as big blue riding hood Big blue to those she liked She was always in trouble, She could always start a fight.
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space flying to planet Earth Zong had gone into labour and was about to give alien birth 'We need to find an earth mother, to help us with our plight' 'Lets...
@sjw @MrsS @Jamtots @ckahn @MissLittleDHP @irrational_kimmi @leelee101 @crowncottage @deviltortoise @datalore24 @eddie12309... This is for you. One lit window in a dark sea of the living dead.
It chewed through my lower gut, fingers gripping my heart - cold and paralysing. Fear. Fear devoured me whole. Outside the gate, the animated corpse, so terribly mangled, licked my blood from its...
~Slightly scary~ ~Not mine~ By S L Fleming One shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. Having said that, I can’t remember anyone wasting much time lamenting the loss of Samuel Roberts.
#halloween party This is from The Addams Family. Not a quote, more a scene, with one of many gems from the brilliant Christina Ricci.
About fifteen hundred and five years ago a young gentleman by the name of Ronald Van Aushvistesnsteinbergenstein, the third earl of Balaclava engaged in fisticuffs with a pauper named Jamal.
A Typical Zombie Day. Morning I decided that I'd best get out of bed. Having no need to actually sleep, who was I kidding that I even needed to be in bed. Anyway up I got.
Once there was a little girl, a girl who could make fiends. She kept the whole town terrified, the girl who could make fiends. Then there came another girl who wanted to be friends.
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine.
Igloo Man was outside of his comfort zone which was outside of his igloo. He was suffering from hypothermia and needed to have a piss desperately.
"Waiter. Oh, Waiter. May I please have my check. The food was great, I'm stuffed to my neck. The soup, I daresay, was particualry nice. Nice and sweet, elegantly spiced.
I wish I was a seagull Flying in the sky And if you stare To see who's there I'll shit right in your eye I wish I was a mongrel A vicious little mutt And if perchance You give a glance I'll bite...
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe.....as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway.
-this is originally on my poem "The Fanatical Radical". Enjoy :)- FROM KATNISS' POINT OF VIEW. It's been about a week now.
Ray: Why didn't you wave hello to me today when I waved hello to you today. Jimmy: I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today; Wasn't waving hello to anybody. Except... maybe to a horse. Ray:...
Step 1 - Create a God. This is surprisingly difficult. The really good ideas have already been taken. Man with a big hammer, taken. Man who can throw lightening bolts, taken.
# household. I own a giant fish tank. And sometimes, just for a prank. I invite loads of women. To do naked swimming. But first they must walk the plank. But, before they do.
Dear Sam, Good news. I'm outta the slammer. (you may remember that two years ago, I was falsely convicted of murdering my entire family.
There once was two children playing in the garden. They were being watched over by their grandpa. The eldest of the two, went up to their grandpa and asked, " grandpa, grandpa, can you croak?".