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I'm screaming and I'm shouting, I've really had enough. I'm punching and I'm kicking, Incoherent as I blub. My speech is slurred, I'm in a mess, My face is streaming and purple, I must confess.
I've just spoken to my niece, whose done a bit of shopping for us...anyway I asked her if she'd put everything away, her reply had me laughing with tears streaming down my face...
Does not work. It was raining so hard and my mom needed to get to the store because we were running out if food. So I told her to do the rain dance. She gave me a look.
#household When Alex started to stink He'd wash in the kitchen sink He used the Brillos Between his toes And then he started to think What could he use on his back.
I'm sure I never applied for this. To be a cleaner and a mopping miss. It's all I seem to do these days. I wish my kids would change their ways. I'm tidying toys and washing floors.
There once was two children playing in the garden. They were being watched over by their grandpa. The eldest of the two, went up to their grandpa and asked, " grandpa, grandpa, can you croak?".
Background - I've been looking after my nephew for the day (he's two but acts like he is about 72!).
Charlie was a cheeky chap, Full of mischief an fun, He always came out with silly jokes, and bit my brothers bum.
Lying in my bed, I know something's missing. It's not my cat, I can hear him hissing. It's not my blanket, I can feel it's warm and snug, It's not my pillow, Nor my comfort rug.
"D'oh!" "Oh Homey!" "I'm Bart Simpson man, who the Hell are you?!?!" "Hey,hey kids!" "I'm not the smart nerd.
I decided to get a bath. I thought It would be a laugh. So I got out my rubber duck. But got my big toe stuck. It was wedged In the tap. How did it get in that gap. Now I feel like a tw*t.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Just one of my funny family moments. I start playing starships on my iPod and this is what happens: Ipod:fuck who you want and fuck who you like Brother: *gasp* jodie why did you make you iPod...
To read this, you need some info. In a few days, I'm going to meet my grandpa for the first time. He wants us to call him Dave.
Just had a mass water fight To give all the kids a fright Quickly chased them down Enough water to drown.
Kids kids all over the place.
My mom makes disgusting spaghetti with horseradish sauce and sardines. She tops it with pickles and mustard, bananas and barbecued beans. She serves it for supper on Sunday.
Can people predict the future. my eight-year-old granddaughter, Katherine, asked her older, wiser sisters. "Yes," Danielle replied, "Mom can." "Really?" Samantha exclaimed. "Yep," Danielle...
On the winding up of a party for mummy The last cupcake sat there looking delish & so yummy I got up from my seat to reach for this for this treat And as chance would have it, my brother also tried...
10: mom I did not want pink butterfly wallpaper. 9: when your all like oh. Lemonade. And then grandma says after you drank it now where did my urine sample go.
An actual conversation between me and my grandma: Me (slouching as teenagers do on the sofa) Grandma: sitting like that you look 3 months pregnant Me: *silence* what?!?.
A young lad went to his father and asked the difference between Theoretically and RealisticallyThe father thought and said "Well son go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a...
One day a little girl was watching tv. An incredibly sleazy reality tv show was on at the time. Just as it started getting pretty explicit her parents walked in.
I'm preparing the dinner For tomorrow eve, My folks are a bit preoccupied And all day I've the house free.