Weird quotes of me
"Ugh, mortals.
12
9
234 words
Explore Unputdownable Stories
Thousands of free stories. Support your favorites when you're ready.
Showing stories tagged with #self-deprecating-humor Clear filter
Hello ಠ_ರೃ
Well im just saying hey to the 6 people who follow me, yeah you heard me 6 ಠ_ಠ like a boss.
14
6
139 words
Ladies And Gentlemen Welcome To My Hangover
Kumbaya Ed-ward, kumbaya Kumbaya Ed-ward, kumbaya Kumbaya Ed-ward, kumbaya Oh Ed-ward, kumbaya Whilst I'm still drunk I'll be singing like it or not you'll be listening O Edward Kumbaya Whilst...
8
0
158 words
TEA!!!
I know I've wrote one already for this completion but I have just wrote a new one which I'd also like to enter.
10
5
146 words
My Morning Ritual
My early morning ritual, is really rather perpetual... I raise my head from my bed, My legs feel like jelly. Into the bathroom with a heavy sigh, My skin is a little bit smelly.
8
1
112 words
Perfect Love
Love is not about how perfect you are. I mean, you arent perfect. In fact, you are no where near perfect, ha ha not even close. It looks like you just missed the Perfect Train choo choo. Hahaha...
14
3
53 words
Random Rhyming Nonsense
It's late, I don't feel great. In fact I am feeling quite irate. My mate. Her name is Kate, Has just walked off and left me in a state. If I could wait, To get a date.
8
7
115 words
Alcoholic Meeting
(inspired by @RichWithey comment of my being sober for two days ;) x ) Hi my names Molly and I'm a starting alcoholic Today is my second day of being sober, *clapping* Before we start I would just...
24
8
221 words
Rock Star
I want to be a famous rock star. Making musical poetry with my guitar. Making crowds jump and cheer. To what they want to see and hear. Turn my amps all up to max. Tickling and hammering on my axe.
38
28
100 words
Splish,Splash,Splosh
You're walking and it's raining and you're way to wet enough.
0
0
229 words
Oops I Did It Again...Sponge Crumbs, Alien Veg & Smoke Alarms
They say a way to a mans heart is through the stomach, unfortunately for hubby, it was my blonde hair and big boobs that convinced him to marry me definitely not my culinary skills.
30
19
595 words
Depressed Gnome's Lament.
*to be read in a dull, depressing voice* Hi, the name's Billy, I'm kind of a gnome, And I've been diagnosed with: 'Bad-gnome-syndrome'.
42
8
143 words
The Lament Of The Pug
Oh Lord, it's me, the pug The one with the squished-up mug. You're having a laugh. Come on don't be daft. You must be feeling quite smug.
20
7
122 words
I'm A Hypocrite
I'm clean But I'm not Pure. You're nice But you must have something to hide. I'm and 'early bird' who loves to catch the worm But this 'bird' loves to sleep.
4
0
151 words
Eat
Can't eat this, shouldn't eat that. Too many calories, you'll only get fat. Seeds for breakfast, forget about lunch. Roll on teatime give me something to munch. I couldn't be thin even if I tried.
30
5
74 words
Smartphone/Stupidman
Do you embarrass yourself easily. I don't. It's almost impossible to embarrass me because my entire life has been one cack-handed catastrophe after another.
0
0
1164 words
Serenade
A moonlight serenade is something I could never do Nor romantic dinner 'cos I'm skint, can't pay for two I can't buy you new outfits, I'm banned from all the shops 'Cos when I try to pay for them my...
34
35
157 words
Rare-bear?!
Today I attended a dementia training day (I look after people suffering from mental illness during the night) and I have to admit, I am a tad freaked out by some of the early signs...
6
0
171 words
Untitled
I like this thing where you can say what you like about what you like.... Well it's food I like. I'm in a constant battle with the stuff.
8
3
118 words
Can You Have Too Much Sleep?
Last week was pretty busy. Up early and working late every day. The weekend comes, and I am in sole charge of our children.
4
1
238 words