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Showing stories tagged with #self-deprecation Clear filter
On the naughty-step of life. Is where I spend most of my days. Showing up kids or being rude. Messing around rarely acting my age. From my little cold seat. A view from here on the bottom stair.
I cannot think, I cannot write, I cannot fathom why, I cannot even read a page, I think my brain has died.
#household To the tune of Mull Of Kintyre Mullet Kintyre All fringe rolling over The length I desire It's down to my shoulders Oh Mullet Kintyre Scissors avoided At least back and front Will this...
Over to the mirror. Open bleary eyes. Expecting total mess. What a nice surprise. It stood at 4' 8". Shocking to the core. Now it's fairly tidy. Only 2' 4". People pay good money.
In the morning mirror. Goodness what a fright. Sticking out at angles. I've got bed hair alright. Last night is was short and smooth. Now it's 4' 8". Never knew I had so much. Jesus, what a state.
Who's been eating my lovely choc ices. I know it could not have been mices Not only can they not open the fridge door Everybody knows they like rocket lollies more So was it maybe one of my kids.
What pisses me off is the rule of emotions. They're such feeble and demeaning notions. Mostly theyre just anger and pain. Sometimes it's just sadness and blame.
Omg I ache all over and feel like poo. Only one thing it can be. Dreaded man flu. Much worse than normal flu in women My face is on fire and my heads spinning.
I've got one bollock that's bigger than the other It's never really caused me any bother. They are my twins and I like them equally They flop about when I go for a pee.
#household. Please don't look at my hair,. As I scurry out of my night-time lair,. I'll rush past that mirror on the stair,. I am a beast, you should beware,. When morning time comes,.
#OpussWings. Up in the flying school,. There is the class fool,. He dresses as a clown,. And purposely falls down,. Hopping about on one foot,. Covering his wings in soot,.
Three mile runs, Letting off some steam, Getting home then eating, My weight in ice cream. Chocolate gooey goodness, Undoing all the run, Feeling really bloated, Like I weigh a ton.
Mothers are a brilliant source of encouragement aren't they. Can you tell in this instance I'm being sarcastic.
Ha ha, look at that fatso over there, She's prob thinking bout a big fat chocolate eclair. Man she's so big, surprised she can even move, Eww, imagine her trying to bust a groove.
Oh my goodness deary me,. I've gone and lost my front door key,. Where it's gone a mystery,. Oh deary, deary, deary me,. My mobile phone was just the same,. A daily thing I've got no brain,.
Oh booze You make me snooze When I should be cooking food. And when I've eaten, I feel beaten So I pour another glass And sit here on my arse.
1-Straightening your hair, when it's already straight. 2-Curling your hair, when it's curly. 3-Throwing bread in the water for ducks, when there is non. 4-Eating chocolate, on a no chocolate diet.
Humpty Dumpty had KFC I looked in the mirror And Humpty was me.