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Showing stories tagged with #unexpected-twist Clear filter
#bored. I finished my job early so drove home to surprise the wife. I've been neglecting her a bit lately, I haven't been that nice. I thought I'd get some flowers and take her out for drinks.
#household Bob was a happily married house fly, Who liked to eat fruit and buzz lazily by. He was blessed with 2 beautiful larvae and a wife, Whose constant complaining usually ended in strife.
So a woman is sitting on a bus with her 6 month old child and a man sits down next to her. After a few minutes, the man turns to the woman and says "That is by far the ugliest baby I've ever seen!".
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the...
Just a strange little rhyme that came into my head....
*An older woman gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer. Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please.
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma.
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth.
Cinderella scrubbed the walls and made the table shine,. She cleaned and cleaned her very best until there was no grime,. Then, one Spring day, she heard the news,. There was to be a ball,.
As I walked up the stairs I heard a scraping sound. I stopped dead in my tracks my heart starts to pound. I knew there was nobody else in the house. It should be completely quiet as a mouse.
Sat in the corner of the room, the angry beast looked at the unsuspecting family members around him.
I met a girl With ringlets, And eyes: As blue as fire. She smiled, She held a hand out.
Olympics round the corner And I'm a finalist 100 metre sprint A race not to be missed. Watch me as I limber up On the starting line Tucked into a skintight suit Looking mighty fine.
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket.
#household Okay, so here's a joke I told and the person laughed so hard they fell to the floor...(I wish) "I'm a dragon, let me in!" Me: No, I'm good thanks, "I'm a dragon, I will burn your house...
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.
A bachelor who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left he told his best friend to inform him of any emergencies.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
When asked how he would like to die this man said: "I would like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming and yelling like the other passengers in the car he was...
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
In 1986 Peter Davis was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from University.
A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.
I'm driving down the high street. I see a woman i wanted to meet. Check my look,electric window down. 'alright,hows you?',''wanna lift downtown?'. She smiles broadly and says 'sure'.