Untitled
The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables. She came back rather upset.
Thousands of free stories. Support your favorites when you're ready.
Showing stories tagged with #humor Clear filter
The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables. She came back rather upset.
Rules were made to be broken but you can't make broken rules You can't kid a kidder and there's no fool like an old fool If your going to play with feathers your going to get tickled If you drink too...
I have homework due in tomorrow. At precisely 11o'clock. I'm sitting in front of my laptop. But I'm having a mental block. It should have been done weeks ago. And handed in complete.
'Do I have life insurance?' The little golden head asks. 'I'm a very valuable person Who can do specific tasks. Beauty over age, That's what I always say.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. "What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.
An amateur golfer hit his ball into the rough. After searching for several minutes, he finally located it, sitting right on top of a large anthill.
But Mum. The bed is warm. But Mum. I need to sleep. But Mum. If I stay here- Then the warmth will have to keep. But Mum. It's life or death. But Mum. It means a lot. But Mum.
Why do I have to tidy my room.
(Da Da Da Da Da). I really gotta share with you all, about my germy blues. (Da Da Da Da Da). These germs are closing in on me and I just don't know what to do. (Da Da Da Da Da).
I'm a man. I don't do romantic.
I really wanted to write a poem today on procrastination it's really my sin. I always make good to do lists but the deadlines I keep moving.
Taking your 1st bit of food, you spit it straight into my face. "yuk how very rude. you didn't bother to even taste" Now sitting there looking subdued, as daddy takes the spoon.
This morning------- Me; "I'm going to get some smokes, you want anything?" Tom; "Tomato juice, bagels, alka seltzer, oh and some chocolates for Jana" Me; "What am I, your personal shopper?" Tom;...
I've got a sore throat. And a runny nose. Not feeling too good. Give me a medicine dose. Coughing all night. I cant stop. I wish this cough. Would just drop. Sneezing and heaving.
Two wee germs Still inside of me Rubbing hands in glee Multiplyin No mercy Causin misery Two wee germs A nod and a wink Storm in armour chink Electrifyin Chaos Another stink.
Don't stand there hovering girl Stand there hoovering girl Give me some peace for a bit Just a bit of peace while I sit No need to moan at me Every need to let me be Who am i texting you say.
One day without rain and now it's back Like a full on water based weather attack Looking outside all the smiles are gone Miserable faces no happy people,not one The roads are flooding,the grass muddy...
Only two hours in and I already lost the bet. Yesterday(Thursday) I made a bet that for 24 hours I had to not use any faces, emoticons, or icons. This bet was made on deviantART obviously.
Once again, this was very hard to choose. Thanks to everyone for a lot of excellent entries. But, I've waffled and reshuffled enough, time to spill the beans.
I've won the lotto. I've bought a new car. You've got it one. It's a jaguar. I'm tired of it now. It wasn't so fab. I'll think I'll go. And buy me Saab. This car was fun. But I felt a bit bored.
How do you guys manage, in writing such a lot. It should mean that it's quantity, and quality that it's not.
Was it In the closet. Or there By the chair. I've lost My other sock Can't find it Anywhere. Did it camp By the lamp. Fall in To the bin. Is it snug On the rug. Hide and seek It will win.
So, The dog was winding the wristwatch, And I noticed it was mine "What do you want with my favorite watch.