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Leather straps and metal clasps provide exquisite torture, Hanging from the closet wall and nesting under furniture. Stuffed in cubbies, stacked on shelves, and piled to the ceiling.
What pisses me off is the rule of emotions. They're such feeble and demeaning notions. Mostly theyre just anger and pain. Sometimes it's just sadness and blame.
Done nothing all day, What a lazy git I am, But when your on the road from 9:00 till 3:30, Seriously all you crave is a duvet day in your pajamas.
There's a banshee in our hallway Man, she can't half wail. There's enough hot air in there To set a ship asail.
Omg it hasn't rained all day. I went outside and no rain or spray I saw an orange ball in the sky Either the sun or a huge orange fly. I could see a big blue expanse Can't be sky,no way. No chance.
The inside of my nose feels twice as big as the out My feet throb as if I'm suffering from gout. My brow is ice cold but inside feels red hot My top lip is covered in sticky snot.
My eyes are stinging. My eyes are sore. I'm up so early. But what the fuck for. Oh yeah that's right. Kids gotta go school. It's not nine o clock. It's so uncool. But least when they're gone.
Lost my Internet again. Moaned and whined. Got it all sorted. Yet now I don't mind. Because I won the Household. I'll say it again. I won it, ecstatic. No more Internet-pain. THANK YOU. Now, folks.
Looking through a pet magazine, My nan did saw, A cat of the name Shitake, We think its pronounced like Shit-Ache. We swore what cruelty is this to name a cat with shit in its name.
On the first day of my holiday, I was sitting in a pub having lunch, When I looked around, I thought dear God, is that really what I am seeing.
To give my friend a little laugh Let's talk dirty, you might need a bath He likes things just a tad rude Not vile or disgustingly lewd So here for you, I share my ditty About farts, wee, poo....how...
An old one of mine for @CuriousCat 's #OpussRelay !. Last night the Olympic flame Touched down in old Belfast I wonder if all of this hype Will ever actually last.
I have a solar panel Fixed upon my skull It powers a sex machine One that's never dull. When I see a combover I can't help but grin Especially when it's horizontal In an unforgiving wind.
#HOUSEHOLD "Why is it plunging at us?" our young daughter wailed. Hissing teeth and whirling claws camped at the top stair rail. 4 of us held hostage, hide behind the bedroom door.
#household I have a dog called Spot He isn't very tall You really would be lucky If you noticed him at all Likes to eat his dinner From the drivers seat His bed is in the ashtray (it isn't very...
You've looked into the mirror Your jaw has dropped, agape You say yours has a heffalump Well mine contains an ape. Bags under your eyes.
There's a heffalump in the mirror I wish you all could see. The strangest thing I ever saw Staring back at me. There's a heffalump in the mirror It's screwing up its face.
Bollocks. I think I'm getting fatter, It's all these cooked breakfasts I've been having. The temptation to eat them is too hard to resist. They are mouthwateringly sensational.
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I watched the tennis in 3d. Murray served straight at me. That dour old Scot. Gave it his lot. I'm afraid I spilled my tea. 3d and HD sweat. Realistic you can bet. Murray on his ass.
Omg I ache all over and feel like poo. Only one thing it can be. Dreaded man flu. Much worse than normal flu in women My face is on fire and my heads spinning.
She's here again, What can I say, Especially with this rain, Drunk Molly's got her hands on some echo falls rosa...
Ok rain, I've had enough. Yes I like you, But I'm getting fed up. Your putting me in a foul mood on my holiday, Which is never good...
16+ Warning-bad language and no nudity throughout So much swearing everywhere So pissed off with it I swear Just please improve your vocabulary Before I call a member of the constabulary...