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Chapter 5 - Part 1 (Emily) It had been a horribly long week at school and I embraced the weekend as my salvation. I didn't even really like Donna.
I've never been good, In dire situations, The seriousness, Is overwhelming, Leaving me with little feeling, Little breathing, I don't know what to do, Stand. Sit.
Exhaustion is a place I visit a lot. Its not on any map. But all roads lead there. It's a place where I discover tears, emotions torn to shreds. Sensitive to the slightest word or touch.
M aybe one day I will understand, but. E verything just looks so damned. L onging for a better plan, but. A nother wall between me just stands. N ever achieve these hollow dreams.
Swimming in this ocean, Can't help but fall beneath. Drowning in emotion, So very hard to breathe. Do I have the strength, To continue this parade. Pushed away at arm's length, Let's end this charade.
Monday, December 4 Dear Diary, I sit there. On the floor of the tub. Tucked in a ball under the shower head, I stay there silently with the water up hot.
I'm sure something has broken his foundation. I could tell by looking at him even on a screen. The magic of apple mac. But I could tell and I could see it in his eyes. Something is very wrong.
Today has been a long day, Felt like it dragged on, You ever get that feeling. You wish the time was gone.
Little faith and disappointment joins the bacteria, viruses, and deadly microbes in the air. It makes for an infectious concoction, that kills what what little hopes I have.
I used to cry. Didn't want to die. But now my eyes are dry. I do not fear. My time is near. My life empty of cheer. It is so easy. It is scary. But won't be today. I know what. I've got to do.
Feelings so strange End up deranged Don't let it get to you Unless you want it to Patronising isn't it. Feeding into it Eating up all of it Deary me Upset now Pretending. Really how.
I wake up again. I roll over to give you a kiss but you're still not here. But at least now I know your plan for every scenario.
...Smashing my head on the wall. Ok, getting real fucking tiered of people not listening to the words that I speak. Looking at me with a quirked brow you seem to think i'm the freak.
I can't remember what I am here for. I don't know where to belong anymore. I can't find the door. I am caged in a world don't know if I am getting out. I can't scream out loud. I am alone in this.
Hurt Despair Unloved Useless All these feelings rushing around in my head, filling my body, infecting my bones.
An empty heart, No joy from victory, No warmth from success. Bereft of feeling, Emotions numbed. Difficult to savour the moment, Knowing the next challenge will be bigger. Empty heart, Empty soul.
The queen has left our beloved land, leaving her followers stitched and clamped. The queen rolled by, on her carriage of gold. In our gutted miscarriage we were all sold.
ASL. 19 Female UK I love him. But we live so far apart. I feel so lost and alone. I don't know if anyone else understands.
Pointless drivel, Angering spittle. Bickering couple, Tiresome struggle. So sick of fighting, And all the inciting. The wrongful accusing, And all the abusing.
People say I'm too young to know myself. People say I'm too lonely for my health. People say I need to hang with a friend. Y'know it drives me 'round the bend.
Chapter 4 - Part 3 I woke up surrounded by my sisters thing. A world I didnt belong in. I missed Emily my ray of light. I missed my husband and our old life. I felt out of place and all alone.
Out of the sea you rise, fierce with the atrocities of day, You rage till you have burnt the gentle shadows.
Hurting deep inside, Trying to hide the pain, Wishing that it would, All just go away. Waiting for the sun to go down, So I can hide my face, And leave in its shadow, The tears and disgrace.
..when there is one person that you cannot get out of your head. ..when that person was the one person to make you feel like you're the reason for everything.