Thousands of free stories. Support your favorites when you're ready.
Showing stories tagged with #comedy Clear filter
#twistedopuss Flashes of blue, a siren squeals A speeding car with screeching wheels An officer yells "I'm in pursuit" "Suspect is wearing a mint green suit" The driver of the stolen car Was out of...
I love seeing you in your casual clothes, bikini and dress. I love the way you have your hair long, wet or curly. I love the way you smile for hours, while standing there without a care in the world.
My sofa is no good for me Ultra paradoxically It seats four people, so stretch out Room for all, without a doubt It's leather, black and super cool But to take a seat you'd be a fool For if you sit...
One day a little girl was watching tv. An incredibly sleazy reality tv show was on at the time. Just as it started getting pretty explicit her parents walked in.
They conjured up some ponce Who haunted fair Paris, Called himself the Phantom Of the Opera you see.
DOG: Mr Postman's just made his delivery... Leave him alone DOG: he thinks he's going to get away with it Leave. Him.
Omg the 'hero' vets had gone mad. How could I stop them. Why had they turned bad.
Today is the greatest day of all time, and now I will tell you why, I've effectively just been offered a job, being paid to dress as a Jedi.
Smoke alarms in my house. Why oh why do you go off. Nothings burning. My mom ain't cooking. Theres no reason for you to beep. Your piercing noise hurts my ears. Your screeching sound drives me nuts.
Everywhere I looked there were owls in vans I even saw one doing doughnuts for his fans Run away quick.
One of the mogul King Akbars' wives, Mariam, was a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Raja Todermal was obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
(Idea from Aristocats the Disney film.) Everybody wants to be a prat, because a prat's the only prat who knows how to be a twat.
A convo between father and son... DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns". Son: Gotcha. DAD: what did you buy at the store. Son: Ketchup and rubber buns.
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ...
I've been left alone with Herman In my house, abandoned, forgotten , Just me a bubbling cake mix Brewing, angry, plotting.
I nicked a bus - let's climb aboard. Escape the rain - fuck off abroad.
I sighed, annoyed at myself. A whole week had passed, and not a single, bloody thing has been written. Absolutely nothing. I couldn't get my head gears grinding. They were just sitting there, dormant.
Okay so I was thinking about what to blog about today, and I though hey why not tell people my funniest moments. They aren't about me, they are about my friends.....
I did NOT write this, this is just one of the hilarious reviews for 'veet for men' On amazon, I will not name the bloke but I will just post this to show you the type of funny things on there, I...
Pebbles Cement Spikes Boulders Half cut The ghost The burner Multi-coloured The stainer The stinker The stretcher A long way to go.
The festival bus will soon be here, Sun shine bound and full of cheer. A skip on a ferry, over the sea A ready pitched tent waiting just for me.
As I opened Up my fridge I was bitten By a midge Saw him land Upon my arm Brushed him off Saw no harm But I've been scratching Now it's red Itch all day Even in bed And what is this.
For my friend @Weirdwolf (private joke) ;-) Show 1 - Cardboard King "Welcome to The Jeremy Lyle Show.
#alphabetchallenge @Kinuthia Ate a giant pickle last night, Blooming huge it was, I got a fright.