Online Dating
"Boy, my Nigerian girlfriend sure needs a lot of money wired to her. I really love Sxbgfsnj Fuhbdexgb though.".
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Ass Kisser
The only advantage you have over me Is u can kiss my ass & I can't!!.
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16 words
Which Are You???
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. -- Unknown.
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Having Kids
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
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Pulling It Together... Sometimes.
I can't deny it - I am who I am. I'm pretty normal. I'm not that smooth type of girl. I run into things, I trip, I spill food. I say stupid things... I really don't have it all together..
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40 words
Laugh!
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you are laughing for no reason, in which case you need medicine..
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Vegetarians
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A.Whitney Brown.
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Friends ;)
"If I were a guy... did I just say IF I were a guy?" -chandler (friends).
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Untitled
When you lie down with dogs you get back up with fleas..
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My Brother...
So my younger brother named Jordan, decided to ask... "Dad, where do babies come from?" This is gonna take a lot of explaining....
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I Have A Mild Obsession With Draco Malfoy
My favorite Draco Malfoy quotes (: "Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer then Weasley, and that's saying something." "Azkaban- the wizards prison, Goyle.
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Yoda
"Who's Chihuahua is this?" - Voda Phone advert.
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Rebekah
Damon: "Act interested. She’s lonely, desperate." Caroline: "Clearly. She slept with you." - The Vampire Diaries.
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Doesn't It Annoy You When...
Doesn't it annoy you when this happens: (school bell rings) Teacher: okay class have a nice weekend. You: (whispering) thank god. She forgot to ask about the homework I didn't do...
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Lies
Lets all be honest, your mums or dads have told you, "Never Tell A lie" we have all lied sometime!.
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Untitled
They make you go, when it's the last place you would want to be, and keep you home when the only place you want to be is there. Parents.....
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29 words
True Story!
...ALCOHOL, because no good story ever started with,"Well I was sitting there eatin this salad".
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What Not To Do If Caught With Pants Down
Say: "what do you think of the view?".
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Timon
"Let me get this straight. You know her. She knows you. But she wants to eat him. And everybody's okay with this. DID I MISS SOMETHING?" - The Lion King.
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Which Is Worse Ignorance Or Apathy?
I don't know and I don't care..
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7 words
Constraints
Writers working under tight restrictions produce novel material - like, for example, epigrams employing backward alphabetisation..
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Untitled
Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur..
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Awkward Things To Say
1. Let's play a board game. 2. Well, isn't this nice. 3. Well, this is awkward..
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Untitled
"2 snaps, a twist and a kiss"!.
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