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A man walks into a library and asks for a book about homosexuals. The librarian says, "You're in luck: this one's just come out.".
A man walks into a library and says, "Hello, I understand you have a new book entitled "Small Penises." The librarian replies, "I'm afraid it isn't in yet.".
Q. What did the egg say to the boiling water. A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast. I just got laid a minute ago.".
Roses are red, My name is Frank I have tourettes, Fuck. Bollocks. Wank!.
I have a friend who masturbates twice whenever reading poetry. That's per verse..
A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. "What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.
Me: GOOD MORNING. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?!?. >:( My friend: Lol, PMS. XD.
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks.
Laughing so hard, no noise comes out so you sit there clapping, like a retarded seal ....
If my parents knew I read these jokes... *shudder*.
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
My kids keep on taking the piss out my Alzheimer's. Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire..
A Sexy Police Woman with Notepad in Hand Says to Drunk Man. 'Anything You Say Will be Taken Down'. Man Replies: Your Panties..
I got a signet ring stuck on my finger today. Last time I do that to a baby swan..
I stopped wearing a nappy at four. Unfortunately I shit my pants at quarter past..
Its xmas eve.
Girl comes in Boy blushes and grins Girl grins and blows a kiss Both kiss passionately and sexually Girl turns out to be a boy Boy turns out to be a girl Both: SHIT 0_0"!.
"What are you watching?" "Loose Women." "Who's on this week?" "They haven't stopped moaning, so I'm guessing all four of them.".
Stuff to call someone bald Baldamort (Voldemort) Baldilocks (goldilocks).
I recently got banned from Christian mingle.com. How was I supposed to know it's not an appropriate place to make a catholic school girl fantasy a reality?.
Technically, aren't we all full of ourselves?.
R.I.P. Sir Patrick Moore. No more Mr. Night Sky..
My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants..
My girlfriend left me because I've put weight on. She even said that my thumbs were too fat. Botch..