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Showing stories tagged with #dark-humor Clear filter
#yesiamverystrangeindeed. 'twas the night before the day after. Everything was still cept a noise in the rafter. A large beast,tiny in size slowly ran down stairs.
I've come up with a new dinner, I must go back for more. I hid my cocaine in a chicken, when the police knocked upon my door. Whilst I was being searched upstairs, my wife was in the kitchen.
#whatgoesoninmyhead. Had a dream last night that scared me silly. My friend was eaten whole,by a goat named billy. I never knew that goats could be so vicious.
Three very different limericks. There was a young man full of sorrow. Who was scared that he might wake tomorrow. So he cooked up a potion. To end this emotion.
In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed.
I want you to read this. So you can know why. I burned down this city. And lit up the sky. I ripped up the pavements. And tore down the trees. When you hear what they did. You'll understand me.
Call it what you will... Call it what you like, there's two sides to this argument even if it takes all night. Call it what you will, may I suggest you just chill...
Under twisted metal and the mountains of rubble lived three survivors of calamitous trouble. They scavenged for water, food and company. They had a pet chimpan... monkey.
Her present was pretty, As pretty as can be, Wrapped up in red and black, And neatly addressed to me.
The light shone though my window I survived to see another day I get dressed clean the blood of my hands and face and come down to the breakfast table.
#bigrant I've been drinking bleach for Bieber.
Imagine if you will, as these conversations never (or did they) took place, a man who looks as if he doesn't shave, let's call him David, he's Prime Minister and various cabinet ministers lets call...
Everywhere I look there is a little plastic pot. She says it's for recycling but I know it is not. She's eaten all the yoghurt and it's now dishwasher clean.
If you could choose how to die What would it be. Hung by your tie. Wounded by fleas. Death by love, Death by sweets- Eaten by doves, Choking on beets.
I cut myself today Accidentally you must understand I was making a cheese sandwich But I butchered my right hand The pain it caused was real A concern for those who saw My wound is pouring out All...
An old woman resembling a slightly misused hedgehog wandered the maze like aisles of Tesco.
#mystreet. At number 1 in my street, lives a man who's lost the plot,. He's 86 years old, I think his milk he has forgot,. It's been piling up on his doorstep, there's 30 bottles all in all.
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
There's been a murder, someone was killed, Found in the kitchen near a bowl partially filled. A pair of policemen went into the bright blue house and questioned the poor murdered someone's spouse.
Once upon a time, Not so long ago, I went to visit Granny Through the winter ice and snow.
I'm a claustrophobic, agoraphobic, there's nothing I can do. I'm too scared to go outside and I'm shit scared of my loo. I don't like being confined, I get all claustrophobic.
This is a Halloween story, but I'm posting it anyway. "Trick or treat!" What a stupid phrase. Oh, I'll give you a trick, all right. thought Ms. DeStein. So, she set up the children traps.
A blonde walks into a hair salon and asks for a haircut, on one condition: the hairdresser mustn't knock off the blondes headphones.
I'm a master criminal, they call me Mr Big If you ever cross me, your own grave I'll make you dig I live in a huge mansion and I've got a mountain of coke I'd like to say I'm fair, but don't take me...