Texts From My Dog 65
DOG: How's your day going. Boring. How's your day. DOG: AWESOME. Tired now Running up and down the stairs again.
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I'm da boss!!!
I'm the boss You do not cross The king of my domain For the day No work, all play Is found in my refrain Love to eat The prime of meat So sad 'til I get some 'Tis so sweet And such a treat Boy, they...
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Texts From My Dog 64
DOG: tip top day. Made a new enemy Stop. Making. Enemies. DOG: he drives around in a van playing music to LURE KIDS INTO HIS WEB OF EVIL He sells ICE CREAM. DOG: YEAH.
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Texts From My Dog 63
DOG: when we meet people stop saying "this is my dog" WTF do you want me to say. DOG: say NOTHING, your my butler. That is all. Right, what do I call you.
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Faithful Furry Friend
I love you my furry friend, a devoted companion you'll always be. You escort me from room to room ever so sweetly. My daily tasks for you hold such fascination.
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64 words
Saturday
Saturday, or Caturday As it's known in my house. Caturday morning I'll be sleeping quiet as a mouse.
22
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106 words
Texts From My Dog 60
DOG: did you call me. I'm busy Just got a text from the neighbour. STOP TWATTING AROUND DOG: I'm NOT. SHES LYING Shall I forward you her text.
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Texts From My Dog 57
You're quiet. Where are you. DOG: I've been planning a sneak attack. On me. DOG: that's right punk Lol, you can't sneak.
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The Rude Parrot
"David recieved a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word.
44
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Haughty Cat
Curled around your pampered paw You barely deign to lift your snout You only see me when it's time To scoop your poo, for food or 'out.' I bug your Highness in extremes Especially when I touch your...
60
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219 words
Texts From My Dog 46
DOG: who are those people in our house. Guests DOG: why. Just having a wee party DOG: are you going to introduce me. No. DOG: not to ALL of them, just the girl in the blue jeans. No.
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Texts From My Dog 45
DOG: LAMP IN THE LIVING ROOM FELL OVER. Ok. DOG: FREAKED ME OUT. Take a deep breath. DOG: NOW I HAVE TO FIGHT IT. NO YOU DON'T. DOG: I DO, MATTER OF HONOUR N STUFF.
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Texts From My Dog 44
DOG: think the sofa cushions are planning another ambush Those comfy BASTARDS DOG: backfired though, I captured the leader and water boarded him for intel on their next attack Water boarded.
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48 words
Baxter Big Ears
Baxter is my dog. He is an almost 2yr old small terrier cross rescue. We refer to him by many names: Baxter, Boo Radley, Boo... Shit Head. He is a thug. We fondly refer to him as 'the terrorist'.
10
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Texts From My Dog 39
DOG: why you put me in garden. Because you would drown. I have to call someone to fix this flood. DOG: DAM BUSTERS That's if you NEED a flood DOG: GHOST BUSTERS They bust GHOSTS.
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Texts From My Dog 38
DOG: you bought dog shampoo. Yes DOG: what for. Because you smell like a gorilla's dick. DOG: THAT'S MY SMELL What are you doing in the bathroom.
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Texts From My Dog 36
DOG: knocked bin over. Drank some stuff What stuff. DOG: dunno, blue silvery stuff Red bull. DOG: brain feels all ELECTRICKY Lie down. DOG: OMG you left the bedroom door open.
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Puss Oh Puss
Puss oh puss With your lovely black fur, Licking your legs and being demure, Spare a thought for the human whose right by your side, Who washes in water with creme germicide , You are done in a tick...
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131 words
Texts From My Dog 30
DOG: I'm in the garden I know, I'm working from home today. DOG: I can't find that pizza crust you threw out here. There was no crust. I was only pretending haha.
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Texts From My Dog 21
DOG: stop neglecting me OH MY GOD. I'm NOT neglecting you. DOG: I'll call the RSPB Jesus, you're an idiot. They protect BIRDS. DOG: THEN ILL TELL THEM YOUR AN OSTRICH DOG: I'll ring dogs trust.
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50 words
HappySleepyCat
There is a cat Upon my bed, Three foot four From tail to head. Fluffy tum stuck in the air, There's no more bed space Left to spare.
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Texts From My Dog 20
DOG: the sofa cushions are ganging up on me. No they're not. DOG: Sorry, are you here. Don't patronise me. I know when I'm being attacked. Yeah alright. Calm down.
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Texts From My Dog 17
DOG: where is mr duck. Don't know. I'm busy. DOG: WHERE IS MR DUCK. Again, I don't know. DOG: i'm stressed. I need to bite mr ducks sweet plastic body FFS.
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Texts From My Dog 17
DOG: where is mr duck. Don't know. I'm busy. DOG: WHERE IS MR DUCK. Again, I don't know. DOG: i'm stressed. I need to bite mr ducks sweet plastic body FFS.
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53 words