Moggie
Oh Opuss I can hardly say, How chuffed to bits I am, Since becoming a Mog I'm in a state, Of purrfect marzipan.
2
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108 words
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Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.
18
2
134 words
Husband Mart
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.
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334 words
Not A Good Day
Went to bed last night with a head like hell. Into a deep deep sleep I fell. Not even the loud crack of thunder. Dare rouse me from my slumber. The morning I woke, head is still sore.
0
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451 words
Are You Sure?
“There are no stupid questions”. Speakers like to say. When they know full well that people ask. Stupid questions every day. “What time is the ten o’clock meeting?”. “Did you cut your hair?”.
6
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68 words
Untitled
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
6
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193 words
The Sparrows
A Family of Sparrows Are living in my house. Not flying round the kitchen, Nor perched upon the couch. They're living in a hole, you see, They're in the Bathroom wall.
26
5
157 words
Dirty Fantasy
I can't get it out of my head, It's driving me insane. My dirty little fantasy, Calling out my name.
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85 words
Hangover
There's a head shaped hole on top of my neck, Oh wait, That is my head, But why must it be so painful. Why, oh why, oh why. Ow.
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143 words
Rhyme
I have this problem, Can you see. I can't stop writing Poetry. Which, you may think Is not so bad, But its driving me Slowly mad. When I write now, Every time, I have the urge To make things rhyme.
24
9
67 words
Wise
I chanced upon the wise man. Sitting atop a pole. I asked him why, he cast an eye. And said "to cleanse my soul". I marvelled at his wisdom. And asked him could it be.
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66 words
Mileage
A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it.
6
1
101 words
Why English Teachers Die Young
These are taken from papers turned in by high school students: • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
16
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257 words
Homework Excuse
The dog it stole my homework <That's how the best ones start> The work was on my laptop I didn't have time to save my work I chased the dog down the alley Out into the fields The dog jumped a...
26
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138 words
@smellyfingers
Why are your fingers so smelly, Wasn't your bath in time ready. Or your soap just felt down, Maybe no shops open in town. Oh why, oh why, Smellyfingers, Typing poems with smelly fingers.
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51 words
Get Weighed
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds.
4
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153 words
The Cat Who Ate My Biscuit
The cat raises his paw. I can see the yearning in its emerald green eyes. But my biscuit is rubber. It is a fake artificial lump of rubber. He will choke to death if he feast on it.
10
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235 words
Field
In a field one starry night. An alien landed out of sight. Not to contact us on Earth. Crop circles his missions worth. He set to work, a whirring sound. While nobody was around.
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73 words
Texts From My Dog 42
DOG: your the best.
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56 words
Looking to buy a frog?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees.
10
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282 words
God & Michael Jackson
A little boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" His mother says," God is bothe male and female." The little boy is still confused and asks his mother, "Is God black or white?" His mother says,...
12
2
78 words
Punctuation Infatuation
Too many times I've realised, that I have been a fool. When writing rhymes I'm criticised, For bending all the rules. My commas and apostrophes, Are all in the wrong place.
32
8
111 words
The Wrong Side Of Bed 3
Ok, so the next instalment of my backwards story, the wrong side of bed, hope you like.
6
4
239 words
The Wisdom I Come Out With At Ungodly Hours
Ever noticed that the word bed is shaped like a bed. Bed has a nice comfortable headboard. bed is more of a regular wooden or metal structure. BED is a divan. I'm sorry...
24
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76 words