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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours.
There's a time of which none speak, A secret time lost in the briny deep. You know all about... Half time, big time, break time, lunch time, dinner time.
A blonde,a brunette and redhead are escaping from jail. The readhead jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells" who's out there?" the redhead says"meow" "oh it's just a cat".
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The loo sits there all crisp and clean. Just waiting for a friendly bum to see. It's boring at times just waiting there. But 'oh yes' someone's having a wee. The flush gives the loo a quick bath.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing. " She asked. "Hunting Flies " He responded. "Oh. Killing any. " She asked.
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!.
It was the middle if the night and I awoke out of a deep sleep. I don't know what woke me up but I wasn't tired and I had only went to bed an hour before.
--------- Dude, she called you awkward. Oh hell no hold my turtle. ------- Dude, she called you short. Oh hell no lift me up. -------- Dude, she called you a thief. Oh hell no hold her purse.
There once were two called This and That, One a weasel, one a cat; They lived inside a circus tent, Built on a raft to save on rent.
A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull".
There was a Blonde on an aeroplane who couldn't read. When she went to the loo there was two buttons but she couldn't read what they said. So she asked an assistant what the big red button said.
Once there was a cat and one day he just ate Loads of fish then he went to sleep the next day he did a trump and he trumped so hard he flew to Canada.
Bruno mars: When I'm a billionaire. Girl: Will you buy me some clothes. Bruno mars: Girl your AMAZING, just the way you are. Girl: Do u really mean that. Bruno mars: Darling I'd catch a grenade for...
I'm not Steven Moffat, Although folk have told me otherwise. 'Folk' is not a word Steven Moffat would use. Not least in the context of a poem about himself.
Once upon at time ..… The end :).
DOG: since you taught me to text human I'll teach you how to speak dog on one condition What's that. DOG: buy me sausages EVERY day for the next 6 weeks DEAL DOG: ok.
(To start off, a little note. This has nothing to do with wars. W.A.R.S. stands for We Are Really Stupid. This is a teenage style stand-alone series of chapters.
On Monday a blonde went to a shop and asked a shop assistant how much that was the assistant replied "sorry we don't sell to blondes".
Bishop shook his head, which only made it hurt even more. He couldn't stand, so he just sat on the cold concrete floor.
DOG: in human years I would be 47 years old DOG: how old are you. DOG: HELLO. How old are you.
A blonde walks into a doctor with two very red ears. Obviously the doctor is puzzled by this, and proceeds to ask the blonde why her ears are bright red and looking sore. "Hello ma'am.
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.