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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air.
"Roses are red, violets are blue.." No, violets are VIOLET. It's why their called violets. Was whoever who created that poem colour blind.
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-storey hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
-waiters who ask, "would you like to hear our specials?" & then proceed to list about 62 diff special without stopping to see if we care anymore -that stupid Josh Groban song, You Raised me Up,...
Is it me or does everyone own a range rover these days.
I couldn't take my eyes off this girl in the bar the other night. She had the most fantastic body I'd ever seen. It was only when she turned around though, that I saw how ugly her face was.
One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
I grew a beard I didn't mean to, I was ill and forgot to shave. I called it a fever beard Now it needs taming.
I heard this one ages ago. It was funny then but has time eroded its appeal.
He has slept with accountants and brokers, With a cowgirl (well, someone from Healds). He has slept with non-smokers and smokers In commercial and cultural fields.
As our crowded airliner approached take off, the peace was shattered by a five-year-old boy who picked that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day.
Oh dear. I think I may have caught my husbands cold. Serves me right for bragging that I have a super human immune system - I must have jinxed myself.
Now, not all life tools are acceptable. People, wearing shades on an overcast or rainy day is completely vain.
People of this great nation and Swansea, I am writing to you all today with great news.
You have to admit that the ingenuity and inventiveness of the human race is nothing short of astounding. Look how far we have come. At one time early humans were nomads just walking around naked.
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by...
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by...
Some unfortunate names: SUE AGE Born Glasgow, 1849. PETER PIDDLE Baptised Fowey, Cornwall, 1649. ENEMA BOTTOMLEY WOOD Died Huddersfield, 1904. SEYMOUR BUST Born Halstead, Essex, 1841.
Don't get me wrong, I love hippies and everything, but they are a completely useless bunch of people. They don't farm meat, they don't contribute anything.
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7.
Normally when I bring my dog for a walk, he doesn't really listen to me or bother doing what I say.
Cowboy: "That your dog?" Indian: "Yep." Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Indian: (Look...