Untitled
Admit it..when you were a kid you used to play "opposite day"...
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Untitled
Love the people that hate you, they took such an interest in you they found out you flaws before you!.
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20 words
That Moment
That moment when you're talking to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you're hilarious..
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17 words
Untitled
Look at me, I'm chandler. Could I BE wearing any more clothes. -Joey Tribianni, friends.
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15 words
Untitled
Grandma's chicken salad... - Joey Tribianni, friends.
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7 words
It's Not Brain Surgery
Rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.....
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11 words
Epic ;)
Monica: I gotta go water Pete's plants. You know what. If he's gonna break up with me, maybe I won't water his plants.
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61 words
Instructions On A Pushchair
Warning: remove child before folding.
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5 words
Fickle Love
One woman's Titanic is another women's Love Boat ~Carrie Bradshaw Sex and the City~.
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14 words
Untitled
-I'm not insane, my mother had me tested. Sheldon Cooper.
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10 words
The letter
Dear optimist pessimist and realist While you were fighting over the glass of water I drank it Sincerely the opportunist.
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20 words
Titanic 3D
Titanic. Now rubbish in three dimensions..
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Stay Away From The Pie
''You go near that pie and they'll be trouble. Stay away from the pie!'' ~My pregnant girlfriend.
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17 words
Not For You!
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!".
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12 words
Glee
Mercedes: Is that a men's sweater. Curt: Fashion has no gender..
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11 words
Desperate Housewives
When's the last time you went to a bar and a guy said 'Hey, check out the soul on that girl!'.
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21 words
Untitled
Have you ever tried eating noodles with a spoon?.
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Note To Self
Note to self : when Missus says "I'm going to paint the downstairs toilet today" you should know that it's not going to be a one man job!.
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28 words
Untitled
Don't you just hate it when you try to talk to someone, but they'd rather give you a shower.
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Life
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened..
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13 words
That's Pretty Dry!
My sense of humour is as dry as a 100 year old bone in a tumble dryer.
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17 words
Titanic
"I put the diamond in the coat... I PUT THE COAT ON HER!".
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Balls!
“Why do people say "grow some balls". Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” Betty White.
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The Sex Cops
The police are looking for someone described as funny, sexy and great in bed. Your ugly ass is safe, where should I hide?.
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23 words