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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman.
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Wild horses drink from the sea, but the salt water sometimes makes them sick..
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Life is a very complicated drinking game..
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Just got a new puppy- everything smells like rabbit poo. HOW?!.
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Pacman
Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pacman affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive music..
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Reservoir Dogs
"you shoot me in your dreams, you better wake up and apologise" reservoir dogs.
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Police Dog
"If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.".
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D'oh
Quoted from Homer Simpson.
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Being Crazy
“Being crazy isn't enough.” ― Dr. Seuss.
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Paul
"Three boobs... That's awesome".
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Speak
For someone that says so little, I always put my foot in it.
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Hans Moleman gems
"I was saying Boo-Urns...".
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;)
When you cry, i cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder..
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Bank holiday Football Hell
Well i'm new to the app I'm just gonna post my favourite quotes on here.
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The Simpsons
My favourite quote: "Oh, Marge. Let the boy lie. Being able to weasel out of things is what separates humans from the animals, except for the weasel" -Homer Simpson-.
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Warm For The Rest Of His Life
"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.
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Just Wednesday :)
-Pass the salt. +And what's the magic word. -NOW. (Wednesday and Morticia Adams).
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How awesome?
More awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn, on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on Mars whilst engulfed in flames.
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Poetry
Do not use poetry, art or music to get into a girls pants. Use it to get into her head..
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I just told my brother about the Titanic memorial cruse setting off today to hold a service over the exact spot where the Titanic sunk 100 years ago.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright.
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Web Of Truth
The most embarrassing thing that can happen to you is to walk through a cobweb in public. To everyone else it looks like you're suddenly brushing evil ghosts off your face..
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Soft & Sticky
Speak softly and carry a big stick. Basically, be a cross between a psychotic oarsman and Sooty the bear..
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Could You Be More Plain
"Where did you go to, if I may ask?" "To look ahead"...
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