Thousands of free stories. Support your favorites when you're ready.
Showing stories tagged with #comedy Clear filter
Mom (to Dad): You've got one sense of entitlement. Dad: Entitlement. Yessirrr, I am entitled. Veery entitled. (Points to himself.) You see this. THIS is Entitlement.
Warning. Adult content.
Bananas for breakfast, the gorilla said And then again for lunch Some before I go to bed I need to eat a bunch.
I have a pet hate -I’m not a fan of insects/bugs of any kind -I know they have their uses; spiders catch flies, worms make the soil healthy, bees pollinate etc but what’s the deal with wasps.
Princess Titanium met with her oldest friend Vicky Long Knockings, on whom she can depend She is a gobby one, feisty as can be You wouldn't ever want her for an enemy Many years ago she had too many...
This is dedicated to the lifestyle that is Barney Stinson All I do is lie And they hang onto every word Like when I faced a dinosaur And killed it with a sword Or how I went up to the moon And...
I have decided to keep a journal of my thoughts and feelings throughout each day.
Every morning I lie there innocently sleeping When my peace is ruptured by a horrible beeping. My serenity ripped from me, sudden and drastic By this evil, demonic, red-eyed piece of plastic.
I don't want to go out there, Not again. My fingers have only just started working again. Because I'm a bit of a knob, A scatter brained twonk. Everything was fine, Till we reached Neros.
One swear word. I'm a naked ninja. Fear me if you dare. You'll know it's me. By my rockin' long hair. I'll steal all your money. And your cupboard full of booze. I'll come during the night.
This is a funny thing for Christians, these are common scenarios made modern. 1 the last supper is now the last sleepover where Jesus and his disciples play truth or dare on peters I-pod.
At the end of the world he made his stand. He pulled out his cell phone opened the app for this type of thing. His hope were dashed when he saw the text that read "Trial Version.
From the top of my head: Mr. Tweedledee, And Tweedledum, Were born at the same time, From the same mum.
David was drunk. He knew he was drunk. There was no other way to explain this. Why the hell were there elephants on the submarine. Outside, the pressure on the walls increased.
If I were a villain There'd be none of this tosh Trap the hero straight away And steal all their dosh If I were a villain I'd not tell them my plan I'd start the machine up And hit them with a tin...
My teacher is making me write a poem. I've never written one and I can't rhyme. Is this okay.
Yeah, I am going topless. In my little soft top. I like freezing my tits off. When the temperature drops. I think I'm rather lush. Top down in minus 1. Driving when it's cold. Is my idea of fun.
Yo, listen up.
I'm a struggling actress. With my boyfriend I rehearse. I'm auditioning for Bonanza The Musical. So I'm riding my boyfriend in reverse. He thinks I'm quite the cowgirl. Says I'm the best in the West.
#bestofopuss Probably my best poem, which is quite surprising as I remember being completely drunk when I wrote it.
During my last job interview I was asked: "What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths.
By Miscellaneous Muhahaha. I'm so evil.... ô/ could you get that face. It's supposed to be a mysterious peering around in a dark alleyway waiting for your secret agent while in enemy territory...
(In response to @Glens swimming posts) So @Glen says he's gonna swim the Atlantic. Well that's no challenge, there's no danger in it I would think.
Chapter one.