I'd Give It If I Could.
I am not being mean and cruel, but these are one of my hates.
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145 words
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Gaz For sale!
Condition-well used but very good Plenty of power under the hood 3 previous uncarefull owners 3 previous persistent moaners Accelerates hard and fast Strong and Built to last.
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BIKER IN HELL
One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Biker : "What do you think.
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286 words
You Following This...?
Half the people you know are below average. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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159 words
My Next Life.....By Woody Allen
In my next life i want to live it backwards.You start out dead and get that out the way.Then you wake up in an old peoples home feeling better every day.You get kicked out for being too healthy.Go...
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146 words
Psychologist
Fill me with your thoughts, Share with me your mind. Let me dig into your personality, And I'll tell you what I find... Just relax on this chez long. And put your mind at ease.
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Untitled
cupid, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities.
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102 words
Social
This isn't Twitter. Keep your litter. This isn't Facebook. I don't give a fook. This isn't Bebo. That's for the ho. This isn't MySpace. Get off my case. So don't treat it like such.
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54 words
Accidental Moderator (fictional)
The annoying nooby mod, obsessed with correcting grammar, Always way too eager to exercise his ban hammer. Promoted by mistake when a name was misspelt, What a stroke of luck he had been dealt.
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166 words
Angry Complaint.
Dear Mr Grammar Nazi, Please leave me alone?. All this worrying about my text, Has made me lose a stone.
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81 words
PRICELESS!!
Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
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659 words
16+
16+ please. THE CREATION OF A VAGINA. Seven wise men with knowledge so fine Created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, smart with wit, Using a knife, he gave it a slit.
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139 words
Stooooopid!
So iv been getting a lot of stick, For writing things that make others feel thick. So here's a poem that they can relate to, Not that I'm aiming this at any of the opuss crew.
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97 words
Modern Knights
The modern knights, imagine they'd be, On an e-quest, Virtually. Armed with iPads, PC and phones, Fighting hackers, And same-day loans.
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118 words
Progress Bars
This is for the geezers.
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147 words
Political Correctness
:') I love these. Politically Correct Terms For Females: Her breasts will never sag, they will lose their vertical hold.
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320 words
Eurovision
Once again Eurovision's On the telly. Come on Britain. Give it some welly. There've been Estonians in tinfoil And Frenchmen with cats Round their necks. Come on We're better than that.
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119 words
If I Ruled The World
If I ruled the world, socks would be sold in threes. Because then that way, Nobody would have cold knees. If I ruled the world, Police would have space hoppers.
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101 words
Where's My Husbands Clock?
One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St.
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138 words
Untitled
You know you're a Taliban if... You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
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148 words
Onward Christian Soldiers (parody?)
*sung to the tune of.... Onward Christian soldiers, What the hell are they. Half the church is bent now, The other half is gay. Abuse in Ireland and in Rome, That can't be heaven sent.
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105 words
Mourning
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
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355 words
Save The Children
For charity, save the children. You can freeze them now, you know. You need not eat a whole one In one overfilling go.
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268 words
Some jokes
I do not have an OCD over tidiness. I just wanted to clear that up. I've just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated.
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508 words