BAR JOKE
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk.
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111 words
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A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ...
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392 words
A Minecrafter's Diaries 1
A Minecraft Adventures Parody Part 1: Introduced to a Creeper It was daytime in the world of blocks as me and my mentor, Tom, strolled happily through a forest of green hills and rushing rivers.
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344 words
TEN WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR WAITER........
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?" 8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!" 7.
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108 words
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee.
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182 words
Blonde Paint Job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
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178 words
Life & Death
Mum:"are u still gonna marry me when u grow up?" Son:"no u will be dead soon I need to start looking for young girls" I'm 40 & he's 5. Lmao.
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30 words
Young Love
My 5 yr old son came home from school & told me he had fallen in love with a girl 3 yrs older than him.
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64 words
Internet Brides
Dear Tech Support: Years ago I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
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416 words
Texts From My Dog 21
DOG: stop neglecting me OH MY GOD. I'm NOT neglecting you. DOG: I'll call the RSPB Jesus, you're an idiot. They protect BIRDS. DOG: THEN ILL TELL THEM YOUR AN OSTRICH DOG: I'll ring dogs trust.
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50 words
Mad Cow
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
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134 words
The Witch
Wind chimes.. Music to some people's ears and a streaming disgrace to others. Clonking away keeping me awake - If I go and hum loudly through their letter box do you think they'll get the point.
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88 words
Trouble
There where 3 boys one called trouble another called manners the last called mind you'r own business and that where playing hide and seek trouble was counting manners was hiding in the tree and mind...
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115 words
Sid Squirrel
Sid squirrel was too excited to sleep, the package that he had ordered of the web was due to arrive this very morning.
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261 words
Dudes...Is This True?
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
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433 words
Whitey
Whitey goes to the dentist and asks how much it is for a tooth extraction."$85. for an extraction sir", was the dentist's reply. Ouch have ye not got anythin' cheaper", replies Whitey getting...
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213 words
Timbuktu
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment.
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136 words
SockPlanet - The Day Before
Here is the first line from my new book. This is the first time I have shared it with anyone. Exclusive to Opuss readers :) "It was like any other day in SockPlanet, completely different.".
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35 words
Creative Drawing
My name is Judith Palmer and I don’t regret anything I’ve done. I have taught at St. Agnes Primary School for three years, and I have no intention of leaving.
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1107 words
Subtlety Is Not My Forté
My friends and family often tell me this, at first I did not believe them, as you do, but after some time I began to see their point and found it quite hilarious.
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110 words
School!
In class today,but the teacher moved me from my friend.
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62 words
Texts From My Dog 20
DOG: the sofa cushions are ganging up on me. No they're not. DOG: Sorry, are you here. Don't patronise me. I know when I'm being attacked. Yeah alright. Calm down.
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71 words
Nuns At The Pearly Gates
Three Nuns die in a car crash and go to see St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
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106 words
that moment
when you think you should kiss them, but you arent sure if you should, or if they want you to...so you try and it ends in misery. that is the story of how i met your mother, hon.
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47 words