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A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
Bloke calls a company and orders their 5 day - 5kg weight loss program.
Gold Planets The sun streams into the classroom hot and bright. The smell of grass comes through the open window, reaching out with soft green hands and tickling my nose.
Ok, I'm going to be brutally honest. I am currently in a rather unhealthy relationship. I just can't stand to be away from him.
Chapter 1: Nick was pretty pleased with himself; he had been busy studying for his Maths exam all weekend.
Out of nowhere, that sinking horrible feeling. Deep in the back of the eyes, in the pit of your stomach, barely able to function as it steadily takes over.
So I would like to write about a time when I was 17 and at that age living in a small village with nothing to do ma and my friends spent our days in a small caravan on my best friends grandmas...
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by...
Chapter 1: in which an angel is met, and pigeons aren’t. Birds screeched.
People used to believe that children are empty vessels in which teachers could pour their knowledge. Ok....
DOG: do you think I could be a police dog. No. DOG: why not. Don't think you've got the nerve. DOG: WTF. My nerves are STEEL. You jump at the sounds of your own farts.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license. Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
Once upon a time there was a boy called Jacob. He was reading a book, in which there was a boy called Jacob. That boy was reading a book and in that book was a boy, whose name was Jacob....
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.
Here are 50 funny oxymorons: 50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline food 44. Good grief 43.
My sense of direction is very poor. Taking the right route is very rare. I appointed a chauffeur. With him on wheel, I travel all over.
I'm an evil zombie unicorn, that's waiting to die so I can be a evil unicorn ghost; haunting and possessing souls of many. I gallop evily over double rainbows. I'm that amazing.
What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ----------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7.
An old lady called the fire brigade and asked them to get her cat out of a tree with their ladders. They rescued the cat. The old lady thanked them, then they drove off - and ran over the cat.
Sometimes When you cry ,no one sees your tears. Sometimes when your happy ,no one sees your smile but when you fart everybody knows..
Mom-go to your room. You- what where my warm bed, tv and Xbox is..
You've all at one point when running round a field in PE cutting the corners because your a fearless bastard.
as dictated by the Spirit of D Adams to the Medium M Thydell the 8th of February 2011 _____________________ According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, there lies, in one of the less...