Flushing
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people..
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Thumbnail Pics
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995..
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Untitled
"(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person, so just the smartest person is left.
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Is That Everything?
I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no, I`d also like all this invisible shit....
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Cheap Love
Why isn`t there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?.
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It's Complicated
I think if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" or petition for a new status called "I am bootycall.".
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Free WiFi
When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, that way people visit more often..
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I Know You Are
I remember when I was 5 and the biggest diss was, "I know you are but what am I?".
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Stress
Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it..
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Calling A Thief
Dude. He just called you a thief. Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!.
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Hide & Seek
I'm playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar..
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Are They Worth It?
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they're not worth it?.
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A Good Liar
I received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
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Untitled
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ~Einstein.
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Untitled
Teenager: Okay. Time for homework. *Writes date and title* Teenager: Good start... time for a break. ~ The Teenager.
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Famous Last Words
My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down.".
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Untitled
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money. ~Ogden Nash.
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Your Creepy
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
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Screw You, Dreams!
I`m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later..
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Dear Customer Service
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger..
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My Mother Always Told Me
My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.. and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them...
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Stick Up For Yourself
My girlfriend says that I treat her like a child. So I gave her a sticker for standing up for her self..
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Untitled
You never know what you have until.......... you finally clean your house..
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My Psychiatrist
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'.
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