Cunt
I wanted to write the word "Cunt" on Opuss but can't think of a sentence to use it in..
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On Airport Pickup Duties
"My flight lands at nine-thirty on Sunday .... You want to watch what. What the fuck is mad men . I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up.".
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Saran Wrap
A guy walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran wrap. Doctor takes one look a him and tells him- " I can clearly see you're nuts)..
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This Is Crazy
Last night I said to a girl, "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number so call me maybe?". To which she replied "Twat!"..
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Untitled
Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur. Answer: Mega-sore-ass..
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Things People Will Never Say
Wow. I'm really glad we had that political debate on Facebook. Everything went really well and a major issue was finally resolved..
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Skin
You have the most beautiful skin. May I wear it?.
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Couldn't Help Laughing
...I have 69 followers, high five if you understand the reference.
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London 2012
The closing ceremony would have been a lot better if it was just the Queen, walking to the middle of the stadium, armed with a megaphone and simply shouted "now fuck off!"..
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Fake It
A woman can fake an orgasm to get a marriage, A man can fake a marriage to get an orgasm -unknown.
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Unfortunate.
Accidentally missed out the "R" whilst googling "Gary Oldman" today, worst experience of my life..
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Blow Banana.
Never make eye contact whilst eating a banana. Throws out completely the wrong vibe..
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Men Vs Women
Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms for the relationship. Men say, "Big fucking deal, try faking a relationship just for the shag!".
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Insect
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
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Blind Man
This is an old joke. Mother superior was taking a bath when a sister knocked on her door, "Mother superior there is a blind man to see you".
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Why We Love Kids
1) A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
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How To Ruin A Guys Ego
Four words to ruin a guys ego, Is it in yet.
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Untitled
Q. What's the difference between big foot and your mom. A. Your mom is better in bed..
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Psychology Class
It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage.
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Died Of Shame
Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school. She had her first family planning lesson at school. Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?" "I died of shame!" she answers.
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Laptop Speakers
Laptop Speakers: Too quiet for music, too loud for porn..
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Spider Man
So can I be spiderman.. Because I can be your hero<3 E.R.W;).
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Untitled
Q: What did the blonde say during a porno. A: "There I am!".
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Untitled
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off. Spitting, swallowing and gargling..
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14 words