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1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1.
Glory, Glory, What a Hell of a Way To Die. (From the tune of "Glory, Glory Man. United!") Chorus Glory, glory, what a hell of a way to die.
DOG: think the sofa cushions are planning another ambush Those comfy BASTARDS DOG: backfired though, I captured the leader and water boarded him for intel on their next attack Water boarded.
* Had this for a while and forgot about it, lol.
In a red country, in a red village, in a red house lived a red man who was relaxing in his red bath.
There's a Crocodile under the table, There’s a Crocodile under my chair; I can feel it scrape next to my slippers... Heaven knows how on Earth it got there.
"Bish bash bosh" said the boss, "Bish bosh bash" said the worker. "Bish bash bosh" said the boss, "Bish bash bosh" said the worker, "You're hired" said the boss.
There once was a man, Called Roger McDan, Who lived in Southend-on-Sea; His house was a tip, As rank as a skip, And his only companion: a Flea.
After a night of clubbing with baby seals I collapsed on the couch in front of the TV. A reporter had spent the day covering the trial of Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik.
'Help, help, ' said a man. 'I'm drowning.' 'Hang on, ' said a man from the shore. 'Help, help, ' said the man. 'I'm not clowning.' 'Yes, I know, I heard you before.
A couple had three kids named Somebody, Nobody and Crazy. Nobody was the favourite, Somebody was jealous so he killed Nobody. Crazy saw what happened so he called the police...
1.your letter to the north pole gets stamped "dream on". 2.You ask for a bike and get a pack of cigarettes. 3.Along your presents, Santa leaves a hefty bill for shipping and handling. 4.
Mr. an Mrs. Smith had a wonderful life. They were a normal, happy husband and wife. One day they got news that made Mr. Smith glad. Mrs. Smith would would be a mom which would make him the dad.
Ice dispenser instruction manual. 1: Hold cup under dispenser, push button, and, after one second, one ice cube will be dispensed.
When I was asked to use as many bread related words in a story as possible... A short story Bread looked out of his window one day and guess what he saw. Grapes the grapist.
A couple had three kids named Somebody, Nobody and Crazy. Nobody was the favourite, Somebody was jealous so he killed Nobody. Crazy saw what happened so he called the police...
Today I saw a llama Fluffy, brown and white Sitting on the train Sipping on a glass of champagne I asked him "Mr Llama, Where have you been" He answered quite rhetorically "to see things iv never...
1.Better save that.we'll need it for the autopsy.2.What's THIS doing here?. Hand me that ..uh ..that,uh...thingie. 3.OOPS.
I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no way that paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile.
There is an art, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground an miss. Pick a nice day and try it. The first part is easy.
A new firefighter was being trained by an old fire chief. "How would you react if a sudden fire flared up on the front of the building?" asked the fire chief.
Friend: Who live in a pineapple under the sea..... Me: I do Friend: What happened to Spongebob.
My dribbled an drawled rhymes and verses, are intended to be a little puny, err punny. A little funny, like the author.
Gentile friend, I pose a teaser: I have an Eskimo in my freezer, I don't know how he tunnelled in, But he's made an igloo with a tin.