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Q: What is the one thing you will never hear a man say. A: Her tits are just too big..
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Q. Why did the woman cross the road. A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?.
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Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind..
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Buffering
I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still. "What are you doing?" "Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'.".
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Sex
Duct tape is silver... Silence is golden..
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Tv Soaps
If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in tonight's episode of Emmerdale... Then you're a fucking moron!.
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Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common. A. No ball room.
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Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex. A. They just kinda lay there..
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Married Couple
Husband and wife... BEFORE MARRIAGE: Husband - Aaah. ...At last. I can hardly wait. Wife - Do you want me to leave. Husband - No. Don't even think about it. Wife - Do you love me. Husband - Of...
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Score
This joke is like a rapist. It's going to score whether you like it or not..
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Senior Motel Moment
Last week, she checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.
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Passing or Failing
Daughter: Dad, what's better; passing or failing. Dad: Passing, of course Daughter: Oh good, because I passed my pregnancy test:) Dad:#%^?!~.
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My Stand Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YWZNEbkE7s.
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Religion
If you can get past all the nonsense. All religions share the same message, which is.... Try not to be a cunt!.
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Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
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A man to cardiologist, How dare you tell my wife that she has a cute vagina. Doctor: Stupid, I told her that she has acute angina..
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A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his...
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awkward Love
What I do when I like somebody: 1% - Talk to them. 99% - Stare..
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A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. "What is that?" asked the child pointing to the penis.
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Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS. A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck..
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Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully. A. Miracle whip..
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Porn Star
My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out..
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SISTER MARY ANN'S GASOLINE
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
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Q. What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common. A. They both want to get there before the 'hair' does..
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