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A friend said to a teacher 'Sir, do you know that they found the world's biggest snake?' To which he replied 'Well they must have followed me to the urinals.'.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian. It's like going into a garage doesn't make you a car. -unknown.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - unknown.
If you have problems in life, face them don't Facebook them!.
Meglio la malacreanza che i dolori de panza. -P. Bernagozzi.
Me: Bonjour, mon ami. Nelson: HEY. Watch your French missy!.
Me: That problem with like twelve terms was hard. Nelson: I know. It made me want to cry. :D hahaha.
I can't take this long distance relationship anymore... Fridge, you're coming to my room..
"I will NOT forget.... I will NOT forget...." *next day* "So.. did you bring it?" "S***iiiiiiiiiiitttttttt, I forgot.".
Feeling proud of yourself when you remember all the lyrics to a really old song.
You've cat to be kitten me right meow!.
I often wonder how much of me shouting "F*cking GOOGLE IT!" at the telly enters my kids' dreams..
"i miss you" "Really?" "No. I'm just bored and everyone else is busy.".
“Can I ask u something?” “Aren`t you already asking…”.
Losing your phone is like losing your life..
#WouldntItBeCool if we had lightsabers already. It's like scientists aren't even trying....
#WouldntItBeCool if you could download food. The answer is hell yes..
Start the day with a big bowl of why the f*ck am I awake..
Imagine If Pokemon were real tho!!!.
There is no "i" in "team." But there's an "i" in "Tim," and my friend Carlos pronounces it "team", so there..
If it isn't on the first page of Google, it doesn't exist..
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes..
I hate it when I'm laughing and my ass falls off.....
When you cant understand what someone is saying so you just do that awkward laugh and nod your head.