Yelling For Brains
Keeping a pet zombie isn’t for everyone. For starters they bite and everyone knows where that leads.
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711 words
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Asylum Story
“Granted I am an inmate of a mental hospital but that doesn’t mean I am mad you know.” People gathered around when Chris spoke; he had a way of attracting attention and keeping it.
14
7
836 words
Wizard's Sleeve
#bored. I'm a wizard for hire, a kind of higher power. I'd help you out, but I charge by the hour. I've got no morals as long as you got the cash. I'll sort your troubles out with a zap and a flash.
72
12
188 words
Untitled
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
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4
83 words
Untitled
My Mistake One looked like ginger candy floss, One tabby, the other pure white. They sat there not giving a toss, Not one of them grieving my loss. Their eyes are so bright in the night.
6
0
169 words
Blinded BlindSilence
#household My blinds don't work. I wish I installed curtains. I can't see for shit now. My lights switch has deserted. I just cut my toe. On my coffe table. It hurts like hell man.
30
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80 words
Untitled
A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed. A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen. She is rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, she is unharmed.
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231 words
Just A Bite...
Despite the pointed teeth, That were rather yellow, He seemed quite nice, A sweet-looking fellow. Ignoring the whole fact That every full moon, He'd howl the night away, But then it would resume.
24
2
68 words
Newspaper
#emotion We're the Daily Euphoric. We've got the news. Blockbuster headlines to stave off those blues England win World Cup despite penalty misses. No more money, trade made in kisses. Free lottery.
36
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128 words
9/12
Some days r worse than others...some days r just destined 2 b that way...u can tell how it's gna b from the moment u wake up...whether on the wrong side of the bed...or in the wrong bed period.
16
3
174 words
What's In My Coffee?
What's in my coffee... Eww, is it pee. What's in my coffee... What?. Snow from a ski. It stinks... Having a bad day. My coffee, bringing me dismay. Uh, there's something HARD in my coffee...
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89 words
Follow Me For Tea
Hi please follow me I'll give you a cup of tea I'm good at making them How many sugars ten.
6
4
111 words
Werewolf Hunter
#bored. I'm a werewolf hunter, I'm actually one of a kind. You see werewolf's don't exist so its a bit like the blind leading the blind. I go out on a full moon with my silver knife and sack.
48
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147 words
Little Red Riding Hood: Roald Dahl
As soon as Wolf began to feel That he would like a decent meal, He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
16
4
366 words
Old Joe's Disaster.
There was an old farmer called Joe, Who owned neither scythe nor hoe. He wasted away, Watched the Simpsons all day, Only pausing to say "Doe!" Old Joe's wife was Cat. She was known to be rather fat.
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104 words
Getting Into Heaven
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have had a really bad day before you died.
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629 words
Me Likkle Girly
Big up ya self me likkle girly. You gots me pee pee rising up all early. Me woke up singin wid da birdies. She gots me screaming and da neighbours heard me. Me likke girly gwan off to Jamaica.
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163 words
Bedlam
Hello Everyone, I am happy to announce that I have just received the results of my tests from the Psychiatric Hospital of the planet Zorg, and they have confirmed beyond all doubt that I am stark...
34
3
111 words
Happy Birthday
Happy birthday, my old mate. Hasn't your life been really great. We'll enjoy the time we spend as friends, 'Cause you're one year closer to the end.
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60 words
Pure As The Driven ... Slush
Another day is ending and my heart is all a-glow As my halo casts a shadow on the riff-raff down below I lie here in my smugness sweetly contemplating how The Lord has made me righteous - far more...
24
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139 words
Untitled
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
6
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97 words
The Animal Manual
A black and white panda strolled into a cafe and took a seat at one of the tables. The panda ordered a meal and ate it heartily.
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108 words
Joke #27
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm. He dropped down into a pasture of cows.
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124 words
Beware 2 (Morning Kim)
@misslittleDHP Beware the Kim of Straggly Snare, She lives next door to wicked Clair, If she finds you, you'll get a scare, She has Medusa's head of hair.
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118 words