Carvery Whore
#acrostic Oi, Lee. D'ya want dinner today.
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Cauliflower Ears
Overlong hedgehogs terrorised the quaint shanty towns of the North East of England.
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561 words
Well Dodgy Geez!
Cross channel Terry came knocking on my door Selling exotic goods from the town of carte d'or Telling tales of his travels to the north/south divide Wearing his 'Frankie says' tshirt with naive...
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88 words
Losing My Virginity
#best of opuss I had more fun doing this than any other. The very first time Should be something sublime But we all know that's seldom the case.
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Now: That's What I Call An Anthology: 124939
Some of my favourites. Enjoy!. ______________ Parrots of Sierra Leone "Nuts for sale, nuts for sale.... Who will buy my nuts for sale". Said the old woman sat in her box of cardboard.
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1324 words
The Average M.P.G
See me in my reliable Honda In trustworthy metallic brown I drive at the optimum speed All through this conservative town 40mph on the country lanes 40mph On the motorway, while changing lanes I...
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132 words
Christmas!
Here we are again then let the madness begin Turkey, chocolate god there is no way I will stay thin Crap telly, crap music with rod stewart causing a din Who on earth told him he could sing.
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76 words
Jeremy Kyles 12 Days Of Xmas
12 cans of lager. 11 dna tests. 10 dads to choose from. 9 teeth between them. 8 squeezed in tracksuits. 7 smack addicts. 6 dunlop trainers. 5 STOLEN RINGS. 4 useless slags. 3 gormless chavs.
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Christmas Tradition
#adventchallenge #robin Now u may think this write will be about the feathered winged type, U will be wrong as there is also another festive delight.
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138 words
CrapTVTimes
#household BBTV45*+1 Wednesday 21 November 2012 Our evening listings 6.00 THE NEWS Interesting fact based program. Sport for the men at the end.
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379 words
Most Heinous
#opussweeklychallenge Morning all. DCI Spanx here, and I'm afraid I have another case of severe FFP (fashion faux pas) to report.
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319 words
When Aunt Sally Met The Wurzels
It was to be the first time that Aunt Sally met The Wurzels. They had arranged to meet at WooWoo, the best cocktail bar in Bristol.
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385 words
Stairs: Mick Jagger Edition
When I was a lad we didn't have stairs. Nope, none at all. Your generation have got it easy.
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462 words
Westphalia
There was this lad who lived on a council estate in Scunthorpe who had a head that was fucking massive.
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252 words
London Rant (4) - Soaps
For @sjw and @naaviie sorry it's crap but I don't watch soaps......honest lol xx "Alright geezer" said Alfie Moon "No I've lost the plot in this episode you bafoon" Why do soap operas try to...
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325 words
My Lucid Dreaming Adventures!
Finally picked a blog topic guys. Ill start off with my forst lucid dream. Okay, youre probably gonna wanna know who the Youtubers AmazingPhil and danisnotonfire are because it involves them.
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479 words
It's Getting Late But I Don't Mind.
"How very dare you Sir" said Lord Chickenlimb. "How dare you steal my betrothed?".
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274 words
Chavagaitor
#zipandzong. Zip and Zong were in space, flying to Nebular One. But Zong wasn't very bright, he never turned left at the Sun. What with Zip pregnant and about to give alien birth.
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187 words
The Custard Song
At the start of every day, I get showered and I say, "Where's me Custard?" "Where's me Custard?" Then I have a great big bowl, Through the kitchen I then stroll, "Want more Custard", "Want more...
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Opuss Olympic Special
Scene: (Live) Parkland close to Olympic Venue. Presenter: At ground level surrounded by baying mob. In Ear Coms: Okay we're live to the nation in....3....2....1 and GO.
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442 words
Olympic Tickets
Oh I wish I had been more organised, I wish I didn't have my head in the skies, I wish I'd spent more time on the computer, Looking for some tickedy, tick ticks.
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164 words
Cliffy 3
Cliffy, the final chapter. Opening his eyes, cliffy slowly blinked himself awake.
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1907 words
Coffee Whine
Aah. a nice cup of coffee, take the weight of me feet. Maybe a muffin as something to eat. A time to watch people as they come and go, A time to text an old friend or play soduku.
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186 words
Dalek Eastenders (Short) Episode 1
(In the queen vic) "The Phone Rings" Dalek Alfie: HELLO DALEK ALFIE HERE (pauses) NO I DO NOT WANT TO SIGN UP FOR CASH FOR GOLD I AM MADE OF GOLD YOU HUMAN FOOL.
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