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On the darkened Essex roads This morning, a quarter to eight Traffic lights are red Did the right thing, stopped to wait Waiting patiently for green Then came this mornings farce Looming large in...
Billy: "Hey, what's this I hear about them finding the bones of an old English king under some car-park?" Jimmy: "Yeah, that's right.
Like moths to a flame They converge with no desire to ask your name American chicks love English ......
Let's face it, all the awesomest people are British.
Oh no. Look at the sky. It's gonna snow today.
Warning. Contains a few naughty words. This works better if you can imagine the corresponding accents as you read each line. "Shit myself, haven't you boyo !" said the Welshman to the Jock.
I heard this today for the first time in a long while. It makes me laugh every time thanks to Victoria Wood's great writing. It doesn't matter if you know the tune.
Fun xmas challenge: Pick a xmas song/hymn and turn it into a parody.
I have very few pet peeves, but probably more than I'd like to admit. One that really gets my goat is the comical "on board" badges in the back window of most chav-driven cars.
Biscuits are friends when the sky is grey, When everything is wrong and in your way, When you sit there- not knowing what to do, A cup of tea can help you through.
#Opussweeklychallenge 500th Opuss.
#opussweeklychallenge Crime: Indecent clothing Culprit: Tomas Robiecz Date: 10th Nov 2012 Time: 21:16 Attending Officer: DCI Spanx, WPC F.O.Parr Location: The Duck and Hen After receiving several...
Feeling a little bit rough today I'm not ill often, I have to say A cough and a splutter, a lovely sore throat Mouth feels all furry like it's wearing a coat Teeth seem covered in a film-like...
#colour Connie the conman thought it'd be funny To try and print some counterfeit money It'd make his retirement ever so sunny The ink was still wet and the Queen all runny He went to the bank to...
Starting a story, or even knowing where to start a conversation when first meeting someone, or first talking to someone is something I've always struggled with, from the awkward eye contact to even...
We're the British floor people, That's a thought for you to chew, We will nip at every ankle, While the crowd is passing through.
This is for @LittleKitten's amazing idea. •I love The Beatles. Seriously, if you have never heard of them (Although everyone has cos they're the greatest band ever); then you should look them up.
#emotion #annoyance One is officially thrift, So, obviously, very miffed, At the way you require, To see us desire, So you can say "Pish, posh and spiffed." I am a Brit, you many agree, Some think...
(On QI, Series 7 Episode 4.) Rob Friends of mine back in Wales, quite a few of them, have got Welsh . . . It's not a famous voice, but it's a Welsh sat nav, which basically goes, you know . .
Oh, @Timmsyy,. You startled me,. This Brit wasn't thinking,. Of a challenge from thee,. But we just drank a cup of tea,. And cheered on Mo, hip hip times three,. I think you're very much mistaken,.
So far it's been a treat. Never thought I'd say that but I've really enjoyed it. Some observations- The New Zealand v Netherlands women's hockey match, great game with an added plus side.
There's a spaceship in my garden, it must have landed last night. I saw it there this morning, it didn't half give me a fright. I think it's a bit of a liberty, if they'd asked I wouldn't mind.
I've had enough of English summertime, it's getting on my nerves. With all the dreadful rainfall, far more than the season deserves.
It's not the security fiasco Of which rumours are rife, It's not the billions spent To bring this event to life, It's not the Greek competitor Chucked out for racist remarks, It's not the doubt that...