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Ok so we're going to be away for a few days, I'm leaving mini me with Mum and Dad. And they'll spoil her no matter what I say.
@lukeboy10 #thegreatestjoke Once father bought a lie detecting robot. The best thing about it was it would slap automatically when someone lied.
I'm going to bring the festivities on with glee Behave without an inch of dignity I'm going to sing and stand on a chair With bauble earrings and glitter in my hair I'm going to drink an awful...
The children awake, For advents sake, At 6 'o clock in the morning. A chocolate rabbit, Pushed up my nose, While I was happily snoring.
Get home and chill for 10 mins, then go in the kitchen and Dad's like: "Your phones turned into celery!" I just stare at him then I say slowly, "OH MY GOD.
@Eddie12309 #fashionpolicereport Date: 25 Dec 2011 Time: 2:00pm Convicted: Mum Witnesses: Children Crime: Pudding Glasses Report: It was during Christmas dinner 2011, that the assailant stood...
Bouncing on the bed on top of me I was supposed to be having a lie in until nine o three Try to say sorry by bringing me tea Not good enough mate, there's kiddies on me "Pile up" you shout quite...
@sjw @OdinsFist Picks phone up. Dials.
A little boy was shopping with his dad for thanksgiving, when he encountered two ladies fighting. One said "bitch, I'm not the ass!" Than sidestepped to avoid being hit.
Well i know this film was meant to be a big hit and well after seeing the film I wasn't disapointed by this film well scrat makes me laugh but yeah they guy who does the voice for scrat its like u...
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and song tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.
Who's been eating my lovely choc ices. I know it could not have been mices Not only can they not open the fridge door Everybody knows they like rocket lollies more So was it maybe one of my kids.
Last day of school tomorrow for my kids If you can babysit for 6 weeks I'm taking bids. They are very well behaved trust me it's true.
Sitting with my dear wife Enjoying the peaceful life A call from my daughter The illusion does shatter Alas.
I ran for the Chapstick mom keeps in her purse. My lips were so chapped that they couldn't feel worse.
Sunday, 13 March 2011 The River The power cut, Census my arse and the decapitated mouses head :0/Good evening 505 people on the stats!!.
Friday, 4 March 2011The stress the balloons and Aphrodite's chocolate fountain Greetings I write today with feelings of relief, slight embarrassment and a small headache which has been there since...
Sunday, 20 February 2011The Art the unfortunates and the man from South wales :0/ Dear Mrs Smiff Mr Radford and Fizzer I write to you today in nervous anticipation, You see i do not know where my...
Hi, my name's Deric. Deric Caleb Bellamy. I'm 25 years old. I've got dark, brown hair, tan skin, hazel eyes, and I'm super muscular.
#funday Me: "Damn it!. You've got juice on my complete works of shakespeare!!.
Sam and Kathryn were boyfriend and girlfriend, and once they went to Sam house in his room and Sams little sister, Hannah, went in the room and said,"My friend Ruth told me never to leave two people...
Billy asked the teacher if he could have the job of cleaning the board after she'd used it and and the teacher said "only if you can tell me the first three letters of the alphabet".
Me; *sat in bed - lazy day* Me; *texting Jake -> friend* Jake; *"...I'm grumpy when I'm hungry..."* Me; *reminded I am hungry, texts mum* --- *MUM!. IM HUNGRY !. MAKE ME FOOD NOW!.