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Showing stories tagged with #self-deprecating Clear filter

blindsilence
blindsilence

Over Dramatic.

I cut myself today Accidentally you must understand I was making a cheese sandwich But I butchered my right hand The pain it caused was real A concern for those who saw My wound is pouring out All...

22 8 94 words
TheCodsPollocks
TheCodsPollocks

Good Vibrations

I've bought myself a vibrator No. No. Not one of those. The kind you have to stand on. Not the kind that curls your toes.

86 29 200 words
GreenPixie
GreenPixie

Cooking Skills

When i whisk an egg it jumps out of the bowl. I try to cook a pig whole. I stir the mixture for far too long. And all my creations really pong. I forgot to turn the oven on.

16 0 93 words
ClaireTilley
ClaireTilley

More Followers!

Not to sound desperate but I need more followers.

26 2 59 words
TheCodsPollocks
TheCodsPollocks

My Drive To Work

Ten past four I'm running late . Close the door Unlatch the gate Morning breeze Run to the car Bloody keys?!!. Oh, there you are.

50 14 105 words
chy
chy

My One Temptation ©

As the song goes, you are my one temptation the one I've no resistance for And for me this is too true for of you I just want more and more I just can't do without you, wouldn't even want to...

28 11 163 words
Bunts
Bunts

My Wish.....

I can't believe it's Sunday night The week is nearly here I've been too busy doing jobs To hang out with a beer Once again it's Monday It comes round far to fast I wish we had a weekend That would...

32 4 72 words
lionotribo
lionotribo

Apologies

I'd like to apologise,. for the grammar I've displayed,. And the fact that this poem,. Has been somewhat delayed,. I have been known to criticise,. The grammar of my peers,.

24 6 107 words
puffy1980
puffy1980

Brown Blood

Opuss, you seductive mistress. Unable to write. Void of ideas. Taking solace in a Tub of Ben and Jerry's. No harm in that??!. Fuck it. I forgot. I'm lactose intolerant. Oh Opuss!. How I bleed for you.

10 1 49 words
HeatherAnne
HeatherAnne

10 Bad Habits.

1. Saying 'bunnies' all the time. It pees people off sometimes. But it's habitual. 2. The massive poster of The Muppets on my wall. I act like a seven year old sometimes.

6 7 192 words