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When we all get yanked off the grid By some natural disaster or some hacker named Sid Im heading out east To live off the land When there's no more cell phones, appliances or heat When ice boxes...
#opussweeklychallenge This ain't your average yard sale, kids, We've got something new in store. You're sitting on it, It's all around you, Would you like to know more.
I am the cat, important am I, not a mouse dares smirk as I strut by. Those dirty little mice with their freedom cheese ways, I told them to buy cheese that the corporate pigs made.
Oh no. Look at the sky. It's gonna snow today.
The end of a journey was always the hardest part for Winthorpe, the third Earl of Ramsbottom.
A joke between friends. ---------------------------------. We talk about drains all the time. A pass time I think is fine. We started a club for fun. Taking photos of drains.
It's The Big One. Not the rollercoaster at Blackpool or the fat guy that sits next to you on the bus, but the most asked question by philosophers and thinkers alike since man invented the toilet.
#adventchallenge Mary and Joe were the scum of the earth He out of work, her always giving birth They were petty thieves and lived in shit And took every single state benefit One Christmas Eve she...
12 cans of lager. 11 dna tests. 10 dads to choose from. 9 teeth between them. 8 squeezed in tracksuits. 7 smack addicts. 6 dunlop trainers. 5 STOLEN RINGS. 4 useless slags. 3 gormless chavs.
I'm standing in a queue Stretching out in front of me She wants a skinny latte I only want some tea Been here for an age And I've only moved an inch From his charm offensive The barista doesn't...
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space flying to planet Earth Zong had gone into labour and was about to give alien birth 'We need to find an earth mother, to help us with our plight' 'Lets...
Masquerading plastic faces, Snide remarks and playing aces, Deep down, all of them are hags, With crossbred doggies in their bags.
We're the British floor people, That's a thought for you to chew, We will nip at every ankle, While the crowd is passing through.
#halloweenparty Bubbling brews Expensive hair-do's Cackling hags With designer bags To cross their gate Brings an awful fate For their home cooking Ain't that great To the shopping centre For their...
#ThatSoundsLike #sarcastic Yes, I would love to join you, For a cup of water tea, Yes, oh, don't forget to leave the tea bag, Out for you and me. Oh, just go ahead, I know I shouldn't.
Here she comes,walking down the road Miss fancy pants,would you cop a load. Hair by Nicky clarke and Prada shoes Hey miss fancy pants have you heard the news.
#movement. He was a social climber. And he partied every night. He'd scour the morning post. For the next invite. He knew the other luvvies. A shining social star. No clever conversation.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
#zipandzong. Zip and Zong were in space, flying to Nebular One. But Zong wasn't very bright, he never turned left at the Sun. What with Zip pregnant and about to give alien birth.
(what I hear every time I watch come dine with me!) Come dine with me, In this delightful feast, I shall make what I think will score me the most points.
So we've tackled leaky teapots. And yes, my sofa too. The best one from the Ministry. I've saved 'til last for you. The Ministry are everywhere. And for this, forever smug.
(Idea from Aristocats the Disney film.) Everybody wants to be a prat, because a prat's the only prat who knows how to be a twat.
ADULT!!. Please do not read if you're easily offended, not for the faint hearted... A poor and quite painful attempt to make fun of vulgarity...
I found this on le Interwebs, the mans code. 1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever. Unless you actually marry her. 2.