18.Writing for the sake of writing.
Sick of being told I have a lesser worth than that of the person standing next me. Anna you're so fucking worthless. You aren't going anywhere with your life.
I got water in my ears today while taking a shower so then I tried to put my hands over my ears to get it out but then I kept them there cause it muffled everything. Everyone.
I tried to binge and purge you but I couldn't feel you in my throat. You were stuck inside my chest cavity. Toes barely touching the pit of my stomach.
I took you to the train station and I jumped across the tracks. You guys said I was crazy and that I was going to die. It sounded warm. The air was cold.
I have more dead friends than living. I don't know why you took your life today Connor. I love you and will always miss you. "I told you it would be different. It would be okay. Trust me.
My shakey pale hands reach up to graze my top lip. Cracked skin and pale pink I'm losing color. Dark circles make a home in the bed of my eyes.
My head feels heavy. My heart feels empty. My pulse is slowing. I'm so tired. I want to go where I can say your name and not be afraid.
Really tired of the same fucking routine. Every Tuesday go to work get off at four. Every fucking Tuesday I sit at the first table by the window, you can't miss it.
I don't like the fact that there are people i'll never meet driving in cars to places I'll probably never get to see. I want to be everywhere I'm not..
Lately I've been craving this feeling. Like I want to be touched in places that shouldn't be touched. I want to know things that nobody else is supposed to know. Flesh on flesh. Tell me your secrets.
I felt the hurt embedded in the hills of his eyes. Things were getting better but I was feeling bitter. He was that sour taste that would always linger in the halls of this empty home around winter.
I was talking to death and he told me how everyone came to him for all the wrong reasons. They went for an escape from all the pain and suffering they called their life.
I need a change of scenery. Haven't you heard the news babe. It's gonna rain. The water will rise. It will consume you and drag you out into the depths of the sea. It'll devour you.
He said to buy the ticket and take the ride; but what am I supposed to do if I'm afraid of roller coasters?.
Does it sadden you to know that you are nothing more than layers of flesh hiding bone. That when the sun goes down you'll be nothing but alone. It does for me.
Would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful. Watch it fall apart at the seams only to be repaired in an unorthodox manor.
I swam out into your sea only long enough to get lost in the ripples of your tide. Your salt spilling into my open wounds. I can't resist you. It's calming and cool.
I want to write like there's no tomorrow. My fingers cramp at the thought of all the memories. Not sure if I'm ready to share those. They longer in the depths of who I once was. I miss her. The old...
Warm breath. Strictly physical. Soft skin. I want you all to myself. This feeling, it's like nothing else....
I used to watch the words flow from your mouth, I used to watch them fade away in the dead space you once called air. I used to breathe you in. Then you decided breathing wasn't an option.
Melrose and Rodeo drive. That was her corner; veronica was number one around here. Ever since Veronica was fourteen she has been on her own. Doing whatever she had to do to get what she needed.
Ever see the girl in the corner of the class doodling all over her math notes. Or the girl who sits at a table with people she hates only because she had nothing better to do.
Is this the part where I try to tell a funny joke to break the ice. I proceed by telling you all about my childhood and how much I hated life. Or should I tell you about all the times I felt alone.
I watched the ink stop and spill all across the paper, I watched it turn red. A moment later I realized it was all in my head. You were never there....
Do you ever stop and find yourself talking to a person. Not even sure how you got to that point. It's like showering fully clothed.The water hitting your skin. Hidden between layers of fabric.
I burned all the letters I wrote to you. They were filled with the words I always wanted to say but could never muster up enough strength to do it. You were far away.