I'm 20... I'm a law student... I'm an Arsenal fan. When I'm nice, I'm not... I'm condescending, but only cos I care.
Never got round to composing anything. Been a while... By 'while' I mean months. Working on fictional shorts atm. I hope it'll be worth it..
A group of unicorns is known as a 'blessing'.
Girl: why do ugly guys keep talking to me. Me: hey, opposites attract. *notices me, smiles* Girl: well not in this case... Me: touché.
Bro code article #40 Should a bro be stricken with engagement, his bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as a 'bachelor party'..
*me vs girl at the uni shop* Girl: would you like your receipt. Me: ye- no Girl: no. Me: yea Girl: yea.
*me with my friend* Me: "yo I worked that shiz all night long yo. And she be screaming and what not..." *girl comes on to me* Her: "talk filthy to me baby, what're you gonna do to me?" Me: "um...
Every time I walk past her, My hear begins to beat faster. What does she mean, when she says "hi".
Me and my female friend; Me: *looking at megan fox pics* Her: shes f*cking hot Me: what are you a lesbo. Her: I'm bisexual Me: go ahead, prove it. Her: umm... Me: yea, that's what I thought..
Not knowing you're beautiful does not make you beautiful. If you don't know, then chances are that you're not. Cos trust me, beautiful girls KNOW they are beautiful.
If I asked you to sleep with me, would you answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?.
Why are promiscuous men legends and promiscuous women sluts. If a key opens many locks, it is a master key. If a lock gets opened by loads of keys, it's a shitty lock.
There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a bro. Thusly, a bro shall dub a a female bro his wing-woman.
Didn't you just hate it when you were little and your balloon floats up to the ceiling. Its torture cos its so close, yet so far away...
Blonde: what does 'idk' mean. Brunette: I don't know Blonde: wow, nobody knows. You know who the daft one is here. The brunette. Too daft to use 'it means'.
Why is 6 afraid of 7. - because 7 caught 6 and 9 in the act. Dun diddly doo dah ba-dun dee daw yeah!!!!.
A bro respects all his bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday..
Hummingbirds can't walk.
... that it's physically impossible for pigs to look up at the sky. Weird..
Winnie is a "pooh", hence, 'Winnie the Pooh' But he's a bear isn't he. So what the crap is a "pooh"?.
Commands of the sovereign, backed by threat of sanction..
Day and night its by my side, In it alone I shall confide, Serenading me on rainy days, And under the cosy warmth of our sun's rays.
Hey, anyone ever hit a hole in one with their Wii?.
Me: your argument is invalid. Dude: what. why. Me: Yoga pants. Dude: *sigh* fair enough....
Some of them want to use you , Some of them want to get used by you, Some of them want to abuse you, ...and some of them want to be abused.
How come girls alway 'love their friends to bits' (or maybe claim to). Guys don't. However, one misunderstanding, and girls become not only 'not friends', but actual enemies.
I just have to say, Craig David has got immense vocals. Listening to his first album as a kid, I could care less about vocals back then. MJ, then him..
That awkward moment when a sat nav tells the gay owner to "go straight".
What does a nosy pepper do. It gets jalapeño business. Get it. No?.
Me and my homies, we're gonna dress up in the sexiest of outfits, looking fly as f*ck. Then we'll go the club where chick are gonna be drooling over us.
I was walking home from a lecture last week and in front of a house a block away from mine, I saw a garbage bin. Words were painted on the side. It read: "don't touch my bin" So I did...
I hate it when people type this: ({}) Always has me confused..
"I'm stuck in an ATM vestibule... with Jill Goodacre. - Chandler Muriel Bing.
Wanna know what my favourite kind of bees are. Boo-bees. The only kind that produce milk instead..
L- lady at the till M- me So... L: paper or plastic M: yes please L: sir, please be serious. M: I told you what I want, now gimme it!.
Son: dad, tell me about my birth Dad: well son, it all started with a big bang!....
Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports..
Money can't buy love, But it can sure rent it....
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Yea, no sh*t!....
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense..
When life give you lemons, you say "screw lemons!"... Then go pick yourself some strawberries. Your fate is in your own hands..
A bro never dances with his arms above his head..
A bro is entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it.
Duh..