7 July 2012
At 20, I never thought I'd go through a "pre adult life"-crisis quite like the one I'm going through.
As a kid, I was problem free. Free and breezy, not affected by money, popularity, shallowness or self-doubt. My life was - how should I put it; simple. Empty and somewhat lonely, yet simple. No anxiety, no stress, no nothing.
That was all about to change when I coincidentally acknowledged the fact that I'm gay. And we all know the sob story of someone struggling to come out. I came out and life mushed me up into a little pathetic ball of self pity, self doubt, anxiety and misery - all drenched in alcohol.
My life has barely begun, but I already feel like I have had my fair share of drama, trauma and problems. Existential crisis or not; enough is enough.
So I look ahead, and realize that I'm far from done growing up, learning and changing - and that I can be, become and want what ever the hell I want.
I was never like anyone else. I was, and is, the odd one. The one with the weird sayings, the crazy facial expressions and an aloof confusion. Some call it charming, some call it character. I call it transitional.
Because I have a dream, just like we all do. My dream is a concept of life which I rather keep to myself. Saying it out loud won't make a difference to anyone, especially not me.
But as of my past (soon to be) 20 years, I have learnt that following your own heart becomes harder when your dreams and hopes are big. Being someone unlike any other, with a unique and utterly personal view of life; it's hard to stick to it and stay true.
That is something I will always have to work on. An endless battle, I guess.
But that's alright. To live and love my own life isn't that big of a burden. I mean, what else have I got to do?
My Dream • Opuss № I