28 January 2012
Drago the dragon reposed uneasily in his cave, trying not to listen as the princess complained, something she did long and often.
"What is it with all of this treasure?," she asked. "What good does it do you? Do you know how cluttered this place is?!"
The dragon shifted his massive bulk on top of his hoard, a vast glittering pile of gold, jewels, and priceless artifacts. "It's just in my nature to accumulate treasure," he muttered.
"Like I need this junk?," countered the woman. "I'm a PRINCESS! I've already got boatloads of money!-- I need STUFF! Where's my Mercedes, my big-screen plasma TV, my maidens in attendance to pamper me?"
"Lady, in case you haven't noticed, this is a CAVE!," pointed out the dragon. "Most women would be thrilled to be around all of this wealth, and in the presence of a legendary creature like myself," he added.
"Well, where's my rescuer?," bitched the Princess, "My Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor? I haven't exactly seen any Saint George come riding around here to slay you!"
"They might not like what they rescued," muttered the Dragon underneath his breath.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!," fumed the Princess. Then she began working the Dragon over, as Princesses can do so well. "We need a bigger cave, in a better location. -- And you should eat more fruit! -- How come we never go out? I get bored, you know! -- And do you know how old this gown I'm wearing is?--Just where am I supposed to shop around here, huh?!"
Reeling from the unrelenting psychological assault, the dragon put his enormous head down, the only sign of his irritation twin plumes of smoke that started to emanate from his nostrils. It was then that the dragon achieved an epiphany. He looked deeply into the eyes of the princess, and saw into her very soul! He gasped to see a circus there, complete with clowns, midgets, and sideshow freaks. They were carrying torches and pitchforks, and they were all headed for HIM!
"And another thing!," continued the Princess in her unceasing tirade. She never got to finish her sentence, however, because the dragon, his eyes opened at last, drew back his enormous head and spewed forth a torrential gout of flames, killing the troublesome princess instantly and frying her to a golden brown...
"Crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside!," mused the Dragon as he devoured the Princess at his leisure. For once, she had nothing to say.
"Now that's what I call a satisfying relationship!," declared the Dragon as he licked his talons, unfurled his great wings, and vaulted into the skies to rejoin his friends at last...
A Dragon's Tale • Opuss № I