A student, a screenwriter, a film director, and an imagination that can take you to more places than a long distance car-ride alarick91@gmail.
You cum harder than you can imagine, screaming unintelligibly into the air, barely managing to stay upright with the help of my hands, which are still mauling your breast and being clutched by your...
I rise to my feet, staring straight into your unfocussed eyes, stroking your sides with my hands.
Your moaning is growing louder, indicating impending release due to insistent efforts of my mouth, but I pull back and break all contact just in time, not letting you reach the summit.
pads of your fingers before pressing one strong, open-mouthed kiss to your palm.
I walk in the room, push you up against the wall and kiss you so hard that it takes your breath away and leaves you panting for breath.
Her one fantasy was that they would try something new, exciting and wild. She wanted to test the limits. I take you by surprise as I slip a blindfold over your eyes.
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up..
A few weeks ago, two people wanted to create a community that revolved around a persons interests.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate..
NEWS: "Illegally downloading pirated films is costing hundreds of millions of dollars a year." What site are they using. It's free for me..
If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak..
I heard that girls like it when I play hard to get, so I've locked myself in my apartment & turned off my phone. Now, I wait..
I am organizing a flash mob at my place, Thursday 3pm. Bring lawnmowers..
Oh a spider. You are tiny. I am a great big person. I am a grown up. I can handle this. You are tiny. I am a great big pe- OMG IT MOVED!!.
Person: "You've changed." Me: "Yes.. I can't help it, I'm a transformer!".
A beautiful girl is a beautiful girl, but a beautiful girl with a brain is an absolutely lethal combination..
It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad..
It's amazing how someone can take something so wrong. A simple question to a misunderstanding. It is quite easy to judge on the Internet, yet we are so blinded of what reality truly is.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?.
Sometimes, I'll stand up in a meeting and say, "You just gave me an idea!" Then I leave the room, drive home, and go to bed..
Teacher: Where is your homework. Student: I uploaded it on Facebook and I tagged you in it..
You can ignore me for as long as you want, but you can never change the memories that I brought to your life..
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back..
Ghetto word of the day: Bishop. My girlfriend fell down, so I pick the bishop..
The word “but” is a great way to let people know that the first part of your sentence was all a lie..
Friend: "What if there was no google?" Me: "I don't know, google it.".
There are two kinds of secrets: 1. Those we keep from others. 2. Those we hide from ourselves..
Today, I will be celebrating my 21st birthday. Whew!.
The unknown reason why you just broke out in song..
Wow. I leave Opuss for three weeks, as I write my 100 page screenplay to find that my once, 7th ranking, is now about 1170 or something. What's up with that people. Ha.
Want someone to stop texting you. Answer their texts with this- Error 23: SMS Not Delivered; The number (your number) has blocked you..
Upon reading this epic novel, "Fall: The Last Testament of Lucifer Morningstar," picked up on Amazon.com for my Kindle, I was amazed by this thriller.
I wonder what the person I`m going to marry is doing right now..
Pro Tip: If someone asks you if you "have a sec" and you answer "I have lots of secs", they will forget their original question..
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes..
I used to love this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone, later I found out that she was keeping me on hold..
Wife gets naked and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'.
Guys: When she's not yours, you'll do everything you can to get her. But when you do have her, you take everything for granted..
This world is not going to make any real progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock..
I just read a list of '100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them....
Actual Sign in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.".
How do I approach my neighbors and tell them that their WiFi isn't working properly and they might need to reset the modem?.
Steps To Survive A Horror Movie: Never say ” I`ll be back,” because odds are, your ass isn't coming back!.
I'm sure that most people have seen the viral video of the penguins on a plane. Well, I thought it would be fun to write a trailer voice over for the video.
If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack..
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note, "Don’t tell me what to do.".
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose..
Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know.....
F*cking a mannequin is not an excuse to tell your friends you're banging a model..
Sometimes I wish you could understand what I feel through the way I look at you that I never had guts to say..
U R 100% beautiful, U R 100% lovely, U R 100% sweet, U R 100% nice, and U R 100% stupid to believe these words....
Decisions are the hardest moves to make specially when its a choice between what you should be and what you want to be..
I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions.".
I don't mean to be a jerk, Kermit, but there aren't actually that many songs about rainbows, especially compared to songs about oral..
If you see a guy driving around with an empty car seat, PLEASE offer him a sympathy beejay. We're all in this together, people. #hope.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works..
If you recieve something that says,"Send it to all your friends" , then please don`t consider me as your friend..
Yesterday, I had a dream that this woman was trying to kill me with a butcher knife...which makes me think the woman of my dreams is not someone I should be looking for..
I`m not a stalker. Look. Here`s a picture of you in the shower... Am I in it. Nooooo!.
A real man is not a word player, because a real man always keep his words..
Your life is a book; don’t jump to the end to see if it’s worth it. Just enjoy life and fill those pages with beautiful memories..
Walking back from lunch I was stopped by this guy who was wearing a nametag…His name was Waldo…He was asking for directions….WTF…Even Waldo doesn’t know where he is!.
If I had a dollar for every time that I thought of you...Well, I'd have a dollar..
They say, "It`s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter." Well, if you call me up at 4 a.m. I'm totally kicking your ass. By the way, are we hanging out this weekend?.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people..
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995..
It seems as though two weeks have come and gone since Opuss has updated their app. It's frustrating that I cannot use the app still on my iPad. I have to use my shit iPod Touch.
This April, I will rejoin the annual screenwriting competition. My screenplay is currently entitled, "7 Nightmares." My screenplay tag line is: "7 Angels Fall. 7 Sins Created. 7 Nightmares Begin.".
Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it.
I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no, I`d also like all this invisible shit....
Why isn`t there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?.
I think if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" or petition for a new status called "I am bootycall.".
When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, that way people visit more often..
I remember when I was 5 and the biggest diss was, "I know you are but what am I?".
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
Dude. He just called you a thief. Oh HELL NO, hold his wallet!.
I'm playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar..
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they're not worth it?.
I received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
If you`re going to be fake, just get some imaginary friends. You can do all you want to them, and it won`t affect the world around you. But never, ever fake anything to a real person.
If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us..
We all have that face when we try to look happy when we open a birthday card with no money..
Being called weird is like being called Limited Edition. Meaning you`re something people don`t see that often. Remember that..
The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall..
My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down.".
Some say long distance relationships never succeed, I say with enough effort, time and commitment, love will find its way..
I failed my Health and Safety class test today. Apparently, when they ask you,"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin' large ones" is not the correct answer..
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let's go off script. What are you wearing?".
A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, `What`s your name?` asked the chicken, `Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?`, `Ken, Chick Ken.`.
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
I`m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later..
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger..
My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.. and some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them...
My girlfriend says that I treat her like a child. So I gave her a sticker for standing up for her self..
For every girl with a broken heart, there`s a guy with a glue gun..
It's nice when someone can reply to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended..
Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had..
I'm going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly an idiot..
Why can’t rappers just say nice things. Like, “I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice.".
If I could find her somewhere in this world, let her know that I never left. To tell her that I care, love her, and just capture the moment of her smile, then my job would be done..