Cellar door
Alone. Once again. The world has righted itself. So here I lay. 3 sleeps I say. That's when I shall rise like a Phoenix. Become new and fresh. I will sparkle and glitter like gold.
I have become this entity. A faceless voiceless typing being Follow me @Hannahmomi Twitter and Instagram Full of shit and spam!!!!.
He never replies I need answer He ignores me I feel myself get angry See me Pay attention to me. I text him now and no reply.
The happiest time of your life they said You'll have something so nice the said. I love him - I hope I can get him back. I feel so depressed again.
Last night I held my mum as she sobbed You were born out of such love She choked. I cried. She wept. He is gone now Sorry She said. But it won't bring him back.
Last blog title meant to say 'fourth'.
Where the hell do I get superglue to hold my number plate on?.
So it's school holidays All the brats are out to play Daddy lifts her up and swings her about. Where's my daddy now. Is he safe?.
My dad left My mums a mess I just crashed the car. What more can go wrong?.
Now you give me the silent treatment. I iron your shirt and climb back into bed. You fuss around with the hair on your head I am close to tears Am I to endure this for years.
Right one last go before I go to bed Whilst you Are snoring off your head I get some peace Contemplation space I looked at her and gave her a puzzled look.
359 That number is mine Who knew I could be rAnked so high. Thanks I guess I didn't reAlly earn it I just made my notebook - public.
She was just 19 You know whAt I mean but the way she looked was way beyond compare I couldn't sleep with another when I saw her standing there My cock went boom As she rocked that room And the way...
So here's a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside.
So I explain and I bitch and I moan When will you realise to just leave me alone. If I wanted your input Insight I would ask right. You think I ignore you just to play games.
So when we are far away Not a Moment passes in the day When you're not in the front of my thoughts.
This is a far better outlet, You're a better listener than anyone I've met.
I'm not good enough - we both know it. I'll always be second best. You will always have An excuse. There AlwAys be An obstacle.
You block my creative flow When you're here I just stop My energy goes into making you tea and ironing your shirts and cleaning your socks I have no time for me.
Fake nails Click click acrylic Fake lashes Swish swish wishes Fake tan Bang bang man.
I spend my life seeking your attention through distance I can't stand. Then when we are no longer separated your attention I can't find. I'm lost within this world of yours.
Why is there always a barrier. Everything I try- You shoot it down. I am on your side Cannot you not see. Are you blind.
The world would be simpler of people loved by rules - not rules set down by THE LAW. But rules like common decency. Rules like politeness and consideration. Rules like empathy.
I am second best Not quite as good as the rest What can I do. Do you think we're through. Right now I really want a hug Something that makes the heart strings tug.
I feel sick and nervous I feel this terrible acid feeling in my tummy When I was small My mummy Would help my tummy She would keep me safe and put a blankie over me Now I'm on my own No blankie No...
I know you'd rather live in middle earth than face reality with me. I feel the same. I wish I could take this fantasy and turn it into. Fact. No more fiction. No more contradiction. Do what you feel.
Rose tinted world - part one My body feels weary and my back aches My feet burn and itch I gaze up; What is this place. Did I really drink that much poison last night.
I love him.
Penalties - if only you knew the meaning of the word. It's a word that has long lost its meaning. It's meaning has been forgotten. Define a penalty to me..
I am not a hateful person BUT YOU MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL I don't really wish harm on anyone - karma will right the wrongs BUT I WANT TO SMASH YOU UP, BITCH About a year ago you started the snowball...
Watching you pricks run around Chasing a ball, how profound. Paid millions to get sweaty. And we all watch you on the telly. Do you even know the words. Of course not, that's absurd.
As my life returns to its hideous normality I fight to keep the bliss I pack all my things and fold them up tight I take them all and contain them Ready for the day Just 5 days.
So here I am Alone again Someone has turned off my lights My spark has gone My tale cannot carry on 5 more nights of turmoil Why for. Another departure.
He's here and has been for a while. My life is balanced and I am in control when he is near me. I love him. He speaks of commitment and that's what I need, some stability in my hurricane..
It will come today I have been waiting for it as long as I have been waiting for him 2 more nights 2 more lonely nights before I can have you in y arms.
You promise me my dreams baby, You confirm all my desires baby, Now all you need to do is banish all my nightmares darling!.
Maturity is not in your vocabulary. I wish I could banish you to another place. Send you somewhere that I don't have to see your face.
You are the last person I would ever expect compassion from Thank you for finally being mature and acting your age. After all, desperation is not an attractive trait in a grown woman..
I really need you I dont know if anyone else could even speculate how much The miles hurt But one day it will all e worth the anguish.
So I got it skewed. You are looking Out for me You'll give me a surprise in the morning You'll make it up to me. Arrange viewings Find a place to cohabit Things are changing I love you.
Running late again I'm just supposed to fit in with your plan. What about my plan. What about my schedule?.
He's going away with His friends. It's going to be a difficult time, especially if he can't stay at UNi. I love him but I worry about him so much. I can't lose him.
So I lie in bed - paralysed by emotion The sickness tears through me I feel both hungry and full at the same time I think if my stomach weren't hollow it would be evacuated.
The sun burns through my make up as I go to work It shines through the window and through the facade of foundation and through my translucent skin, straight to my soul.
I'm sure something has broken his foundation. I could tell by looking at him even on a screen. The magic of apple mac. But I could tell and I could see it in his eyes. Something is very wrong.
You call but all too soon you have gone again. Is my life going to be full of your indecision?.
How can he make me feel like this. He knows I get anxious. If he could just let me know that he is safe!.
I am in a toy shop and all I can here is "I want..." "I need..." "for my birthday...".
Red-faced. Just scrubbed clean. I tumble into a darkened room and hunt for my clothes. Dry skin. Blood seeps seductively from every pore. I find my bloody bra.
I am nothing but a burden to you - a chore. A duty. It's your duty to call me and make sure I haven't topped myself. I love you and I need you to love me.
I wander the streets Panicking and). Gasping for breath as I emerge from the warm water to see). The sky give birth to a brand new). Day or night I will be by your).
My dad looked at me last night and said "why is my daughter broken" My mum simply said "it's not her that's broken, it's society instead" School did not prepare these children - they were worried...
Trip Slip Hide Spill Cut Cry Hurt Lie Recover Repay Sorry Again Trip once more Hit Sip Drink Drink Drunk Wake up. Slip Hurt Sleep Rinse and repeat.
Anti-freeze Everything is sparkling in the fresh morning light, Crystals encase every blade of grass, It as if something magic has sprinkled glitter over night, I stand for a while frozen in the...
I wake up again. I roll over to give you a kiss but you're still not here. But at least now I know your plan for every scenario.
Why does he fill me with this gleeful stupidity.
I have been let down again. Promised some acknowledgment but once again something better got in the way.
And now the panic sets in. Has he made an empty promise again. What do I. I lie here and shake about the uncertainty. I can't take this limbo anymore. Do I mean anything to him at all????.
Hannah - these are things to keep you smiling. Family. Chris Bear. Trilby Dog. Ladybirds. Pancakes. Cupcakes. Sponge cake. Chocolate cake. Pretty much all cake. Noel fielding's comedy.
It's easy to be king if you make your own crown The sheet lays before you Like liquid in your hands You twist and bend and fashion it into something far more worth it's weight.
I get that he is having a bad time but when I need to talk to him he is off with his friends drinking. He doesn't understand that love needs to go two ways and at the moment I am so sad.
I had my eyebrows waxed. Indulging in self-improvement does not have the same kind of attraction anymore.
Finally some good news. Somewhere in this sea of blindness - there is an island of vision. I have passed my end of semester exams. I am 5/6 of the way to being qualified.
And now as I lay in bed alone and shivering in the dark I long for your kiss and your touch so much that I rolled over to retrieve my desires - only to find an empty space.
I got prescribed anti-depressants today. I hope these pills will pick me up and help me cope in a way that is unknown to me.
I just spoke to him. He sounds broken and low. How can the world have brought us together to be kept apart by these constant twists of fate. Why does the universe test us.
I don't want to feel anything anymore. I want to be completely numb. I don't understand what there is left in this world for me with him drifting away. I am holding on until he is gone.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder - this is a lie. Absence makes the heart grow more fearful.
I woke up this morning and all I can do is cry. My foundations are being shaken. He isn't here. I wake up and he is 324 miles from me.
ASL. 19 Female UK I love him. But we live so far apart. I feel so lost and alone. I don't know if anyone else understands.