31 July 2012
"You were bundled in the back of a car?" Garry repeated shocked his eyes sparkling strangely.
"Yeah they jumped us, they shoved me in the back of the car, Lewis shot the tyre and the driver so it started to roll, that's why I freaked out when we skidded" I explained watching Garry's eyes unable to decipher what it signified.
"You allowed her to get taken!" Eddie snapped at Lewis his eyes still glazed with anger.
"Not intentionally! I'm the reason she's back in one piece!" Lewis argued matching Eddie's stare.
"It was your car Garry YR60 BZF? Your Vauxhall insignia, the one I drew a smiley face in the-"
"Back right window and told me not to wipe off" he finished his face paled quickly but regained colour as Eddie turned to look at him.
"How did they get it?" I asked "How come we have a new car? Audi. Do I look that thick I wouldn't notice it wasn't a Vauxhall you're forgetting who... I... Am..." I looked down to my fingers interlocked with Lewis' as I finished my sentence. Forget who I am? How can you forget what you don't know?
"It was stolen" Garry tried to explain but my head shot up, ignoring my own selfish thoughts about myself, staring at him levelly that indecipherable glint shining brighter now.
"How? You keep your keys on a chain attached to your belt loop." I questioned he was always so careful about everything nothing went wrong when Garry was there - ever.
"I took them off the chain to take another key off I must've not put it back on" he suggested frowning slightly down to his hands on the table at his explanation.
"But you double check, triple check everything-"
"I made a fucking mistake! Alright Delilah, I'm only human" he snapped the weird glint disappearing as he glared at me. I was shocked into silence by the fierceness of his words blinking quickly as if it would stop his words but of course having no effect at all.
"Sorry, I suppose I'm shocked it happened and want to know why" I mumbled an apology of sorts regaining my voice.
"Yeah well we want to know why it happened too" Garry sighed resting heavily against the back of his chair.
"Now what?" Lewis asked hesitantly obviously not wanting talk of his 'departure' coming to surface again and neither did I.
"I'll arrange a meeting with Mr Redgrove, and we'll take it from there" Eddie replied calmly for once today.
"Could I go?" I asked trying not to get my hopes up.
"No Delilah it isn't time yet" Eddie answered
"When will it be time? I've been waiting basically seventeen years" I snapped
"Soon" they both answered leaving to make the call outside.
"Soon? When's soon? Soon isn't even a fucking time frame" I huffed
"Well it can't be long can it?" Suggested Lewis his mouth on my shoulder.
"Oh you have so much to learn about them, soon could mean years to them" I sighed standing up and leading him over to the sofa. Turning the TV on we sat next to each other my head on his shoulder his arms around me. "You know how you mentioned that Pain thing today?" I asked
"Yeah" he nodded looking down at me then sighing "You want to know more don't you?" he guessed his eyes flicking subconsciously to the TV then back to mine.
"Yeah sorry I'm seriously nosey and curious, at least I'm not a cat since curiosity killed the cat" I replied a smile on my face echoing over to Lewis.
"Ok, when I was eighteen I joined 2nd Battalion the Yorkshire Regiment, Green Howard's they were called, and Ryan he must've been early thirties never knew his actual age it kept fluctuating whenever he wanted, helped me a few times as we went out on patrols together. I was this reckless, well kid out there, he showed me the danger and I grew up a lot through his guidance. I'd never had a dad and was rubbish at taking orders but when Ryan shouted at you jeez you knew to listen" Lewis breathed a laugh smiling nostalgically to the wall opposite. "I was out there till I was twenty came home for a few weeks then got sent back, Ryan had gone back too we were on the same flight went out for drinks a couple of times too and while he was back in England his wife had twin girls, beautiful kids they were really looked like him so tiny, told them they looked like aliens. And he made me godfather I ended up closer to his family than my own they accepted me in immediately. We got sent back and he carried on tutoring me on things. I learnt to be honest a shit load of crap and some useful things too, we must've been out there a year before the attack. He was shot in his shoulder at the wheel and drove onto an IED. The four men in the truck died instantly it was their side that struck it, he was thrown from the wreckage barely alive, legs blown off his, stomach ripped open. And he hardly made any noise. I was in the truck behind, we stopped to assess the damage, find survivors anyone with curable wounds - I found him laid on the dust road car door on top of him. He told me that if I had to remember anything about him it was his, I suppose, motto - Pain is just a message, just weakness leaving the body. Told me I was strong that I could carry on, loss was a part of life and that eventually I'd get a girlfriend" he smiled briefly at the end but had his eyes firmly trained on the floor, pained by having to explain what had happened to his role model, father figure, brother in arms - friend.
"Oh my god" I whispered there was no way on earth I could possibly tell him I understood how he could be feeling, because I couldn't. I hadn't been there, perhaps now I understand more now why soldiers when they come back don't talk about war, they want to talk about it they want to share their experiences yet know that no one back home will be able to understand all the emotions they have. I wish I could understand but I could only see the pain he had. I will always be able see his pain yet I'll never fully understand pain that only the esoteric army could feel. I could understand basics but it ran deeper than that, it was plain to see.
"I knew him four years, felt like I knew him my whole life. He taught me so much... I was one of his pall bearers, said a few words at the service, the one who told his wife the bad news and at the service she was speaking she said he had mentioned me calling me the son he never had, the lost brother he only just found" he sighed so shakily that I pulled him into a hug in hope it would do anything, anything at all but I knew it would never stop the hurting. "I wanted to stay in the army to make him proud of me to keep his spirit alive within the camp, but our regiment had cuts, I was one of them. I joined the reserves hoping to be sent back, I still wanted to fight for England I was sent out on one tour and came back where I found this job to keep me occupied, I could be called out at anytime... And I'd still fight for his memory, if I ever found the guy who did that to him I'd kill him make him suffer like Ryan did" he finished and I just hugged him tightly there was nothing I could say to help, sorry was almost meaningless as guilt reared it's ugly head in me for I was the one to make him remember the awful memories.
"You're so brave" I stated in awe of the man in my arms. He dropped his arms from around me and stood abruptly.
"No, I'm not, I was doing my job, at best I was petrified just trying to survive" then he walked off to his room closing the door forcefully. I sat still on the sofa staring at the floor trying to comprehend all that he said. Garry and Eddie reappeared frowning at me as I continued to stare at the wall.
"Something wrong Delilah?" Garry asked quietly sitting beside me, I turned my head a little but kept my eyes on the wall in front of me my mouth open looking for words to answer.
"Where's Lewis?" Eddie asked unexpectedly now that I could answer without thought.
"His room" I muttered
"What's happened? Did he say something? Did you?" the questions hit my ears yet made no sound at all to me.
"Say something?" I asked quietly
"What happened?" Garry repeated
"I said something stupid I probably should'nt've" I replied
"You asked about the army didn't you?" Eddie sighed I nodded in response. I slowly stood from the sofa and made my way to his door. I paused staring at the handle it was deadly silent in all rooms. My hand was quivering as I reached for the handle opening his door slowly. I peeked around the door and saw him sat on the end of his bed, his hands covering most of his face but his eyes. They were closed, squeezed shut. I closed the door behind me gently and he hardly moved when the noise disturbed the silence. I sat beside him placed on hand on his knee the other one his back my forehead touching the side of his head.
"I was meant to be in that truck..." he said shakily after a while of us just sat together. "I'm the one who should've died in that accident not Ryan"
"Don't say that" I whispered
"Why? He had two daughters only just brought into this world, a wife, an amazing family... What did I have? A mother who didn't care, a father who didn't care - nothing except a few less years than him" he opened his eyes and laid on his back pulling me to his side "He was suffering badly, but he never wanted to show it ever. I was the one who last spoke to him, as we were talking someone else in our regiment came up about to shoot him, put him out of his pain but I stopped them. I couldn't let a stranger kill my friend and neither did he. I shot him. There's no way he could've survived. It was kinder" a single tear left his eye, I sat up and wiped it away with my thumb turning his direction of gaze to me.
"You did what you had to" I whispered, he sat up hugging me tightly and buried his face in my shoulder.
"We changed trucks he wanted me to be in charge of some of the new kids since I was close to their ages, we were in the same one at first but he told me I had to be in a different one look after the new kids make sure they won't do anything too reckless since I'd basically written the reckless handbook. Said it would give me experienc
Who Am I? Part 15 • Opuss № I