iamlenad
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up ’cause they’re looking for ideas.” - Paula Poundstone
“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” - Bob Hope
The Vending Machine Theory : "Stuff tastes better when it falls".
Without me, it's just aweso.
First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? -Steven Wright
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. -Ellen Degeneres
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.