14 September 2012
Johnny,
Hello! It's Friday again and I've just got home (10:20pm UK time - like 3am where you are) from a monstrous three course chinese meal with some family. It was good stuff and I drank a fair amount of wine so even better!
What have you been doing? Haven't had any emails from you today and your blog hasn't been updated either. I'm desperate to see some more photos of where you are! And you still haven't sent me your Iceland photos - guess I won't be seeing those until you get back now.
Remember that time we got drunk in town then back at yours, when your land lady was away for the weekend, and we drank a lot of stuff! I was wrecked - we stayed up till 5am talking. That night - you said how much you worried about me, that I wasn't happy and you wanted me to be happy. You held me for the longest time, and played with my hair and...you asked me if I ever felt happy, if I ever scored a ten on the happiness scale. I said yes and you asked when. You seemed surprised when I said it was the time I spent with you. And you just cuddled me. I was so depressed at that moment; things weren't going great for me in life and you - you did exactly what I needed. You listened, you cared and you were a friend to me. I needed you so much right then. And you were there. Like you always are. I love how you ask if I'm ok, but you know when I'm lying and you ask again. How do you know me so well when other people have no idea?
I know I left pretty suddenly that night, I just decided to get a taxi and go home. You know why? Because I wanted to be with you so badly but...you wouldn't. I guess you knew it wasn't really a good idea then - things were pretty complicated for me. I knew if I stayed I'd throw myself at you and we would either end up in bed (and both feel bad after) or you would say no (and we'd both feel bad after). So I went home. But in my heart...I wished I could have stayed.
Thank you, for always being there, and for listening to me moan about stuff! And for being truly awesome to me. I love you for it. Blah, it's making me well up so I'll stop. It's bed time anyway.
Night, hope you are safe, well and happy.
Love Kim xxx
Letters To Johnny - Ten • Opuss № I