17 November 2012
The attraction was instant. I saw you, unconventionally handsome, tall and slim with tousled brown hair and an uncomfortable smile, and my heart instantly reacted, like a drop of acid on litmus. There was something about the way you dressed, with an air of nonchalant cool, and the way you laughed self-consciously, that made me smile. I didn't know you, but I wanted to. It was later, after my initial hesitance and awkwardness had passed, that I noticed your eyes, the naivety, the childish joy within the green-hazel, flecked with amber that sparkled like a trace of gold leaf. And the telltale laughter lines around your eyes told a hidden story; that despite your youth you had smiled and laughed enough in twenty-two years to mark your face with beautiful scars of past joys. I came to know your features so well; your eyes, your laugh, that smile that can convince me to go along with your plan, no matter how crazy. I've never laughed so much, or had such adventure, or felt so alive. I had felt old - too old - for a long time. You gave me a little taste of the fountain of youth and I had never felt so free and beautiful. With you, I could do anything.
There was something between us from the start. Not romance, but a well-needed friendship. Yes, I was attracted to you, but you were off limits, for several reasons. And, at first, I was satisfied with just that - just being with you was exhilarating. You and your subversive anti-cool blew life and confidence into my deflated lungs. I'd been lonely and ignored for so long, I almost couldn't believe you would want to waste a moment on me. But you did. You wasted hours, just talking to me, making me laugh with your crazy stories. And you listened, you actually listened to what I had to say. Days, weeks, months later you would mention something I had said in an offhand comment and my heart would just soar that you would even think of me at all.
So the attraction had been instant, physical. But I fell in love with everything about you: the look you get when you are reading; the way you whispered to me in class like we were school children; the fact you always had time for me, even when I knew you were busy; how you saw that I was sad and lonely, even when my own family and supposed friends couldn't see it. You went out of your way to take care of me because you worried about me. I remember when you said you just wanted me to be happy. You make me happy. And I love you so much it hurts. I miss you, your arms, your eyes, your perfect kisses. I love you and I've come to realise I always will. I've thought about what could happen with time, distance and being apart and if you choose to move on, I will be devastated. But I will always be here for you, we have already proven we can stay friends through anything. I promised I would always take care of you - you've been let down by people your whole life, I will be the one you can always rely on. I promised it and I promise it again.
Promise • Opuss № I