26 July 2012
I was in bed the other night, when I found myself needing to use the toilet. Now, I'm talking about 3 in the morning. It's a god awful moment. So comfortable, and then a bowel movement, means that you must endure the murky darkness of the hallway to the bathroom. I fell out of bed, and trundled down the hallway, when I stubbed my toe on the washing basket (why the fuck it was in the hallway, I do not know). Anyway, it was then that I faced my next problem. I noticed something was on downstairs. Now, I am not superstitious, but when you go far away from your bed at night, no matter what age, gender, wealth, or sexuality, the girl from the exorcist will always be following you (not literally, obviously), scaring the shit out of you at every possible moment (not helpful when you're about to let king kong's finger paint the toilet). So you do what you need to do.
Next comes the trek back upstairs. Now, because the exorcist girl is after you, you make your way up the stairs as quickly as possible. This is the next "problem".
I've lived in my house for 12 years now, and it seems that I do not know how many stairs I have, because every time I go upstairs at night, I always find myself adding an extra step that's not there. Consequently, I fall, and my face lands right on the corner of an oak bookshelf (I don't know why we have that bookshelf. It's so bloody ugly... I can only imagine that we have it so that, when we have guests, it looks like we have taste and read books).
With a broken face, a toe nail that feels like it's coming off, the dogs barking because of my childish yelp as I check for blood coming from my nose, I make it to the toilet.
The windows open. A brisk wind ensures that my sitting will not be a pleasant one. The toilet seat feels like a frosty pathway. The wind causes me to shiver and I get to work quickly. I play on my phone, before using the last few strays of toilet paper, to clear up.
One of the worst "problems"... Do I flush and wake everyone up, or leave it, and make sure I get in there first thing, before anyone sees it. I decide to flush and tippy toe back to my room. I shut the door, get into bed, and I'm safe.
Shit! Left the bathroom light on!
First World Problems • Opuss № I